APRIL 16, 1974

Full News Archive

• Headline: San Franciscans Challenge PG&E Contract Legality. Impact: This lawsuit could have inspired a nationwide trend of suing utility companies, leading to the invention of the world's first 'sue your power company' support group. Coming soon: PowerPals!. Fact: In a shocking twist, the actual power was never in the gas—it was in the legal loopholes!.
• Headline: Kissinger's Vision for Science and Technology. Impact: Kissinger's address could have inspired a future generation of scientists to create a device that automatically solves all the world's problems. Spoiler alert: that device is still in beta.. Fact: Kissinger probably wished he could apply some of that tech to his hair—just imagine the possibilities!.
• Headline: F.B.I. Hunts Escaped Bank Bomber. Impact: Mauchlin's escape could have set off a chain reaction of bank robbers across the country realizing they could just saw their way to freedom. Thanks a lot, Peter, for the new career options!. Fact: This incident led to the introduction of 'no hacksaws allowed' signs in federal detention centers. Who knew they were so hard to get rid of?.
• Headline: Store Chain Acquired. Impact: The acquisition of Gus Mayer Stores could have prompted a nationwide retail revolution, leading to the rise of niche stores that sell only the most obscure items. Think 'Sock Emporium' meets 'Candle Wonderland.'. Fact: Acquisitions in retail are a bit like marriages—sometimes they work out, and other times, one side ends up with all the good stuff!.
• Headline: Profit Record at Cyanamid. Impact: Cyanamid's profit record could have inspired other companies to chase record profits, resulting in a subsequent rise in stress-related illnesses. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: In a twist of fate, Cyanamid's profits led to the birth of the phrase, 'money can't buy happiness,' but it sure can buy a lot of stress relief products!.
• Headline: LONG‐TIME LEADER DEPOSED IN NIGER. Impact: The coup in Niger could have been the catalyst for a series of similar uprisings across Africa, leading to a new trend of military-led governments. Because who doesn't love a good shake-up?. Fact: Drought and famine may have been the reason for the coup, but it’s really the ultimate plot twist in the political drama of history..
• Headline: Advertising: Supermarket Tube. Impact: The ad policy change could have led to the rise of an underground market for 'adult-themed' ads, creating a rogue society of advertisers. Watch out for the 'Underbelly of Marketing' documentary!. Fact: Before this, 'After Dark' was basically the Wild West of advertising—anything went, and now we can all pretend to be shocked!.