JANUARY 5, 1974

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brooklyn Cab Drivers Fuel Blockade. Impact: The cabbie blockade sparked a nationwide trend in dramatic protests. Fast forward a few decades, and you'll find baristas chaining themselves to coffee machines to protest bean prices. Who knew fuel crises could fuel such creativity?. Fact: In an alternate timeline, cab drivers became the first official blockaders of Brooklyn, only to be outdone by an army of pigeon enthusiasts years later..
• Headline: Pheasant Run Lodge vs. Chicago Cougars. Impact: This lawsuit set a precedent for sports teams being sued for everything from bad snacks to poor halftime shows. Today, if a team loses and the hot dogs are cold, you can bet there’ll be a class-action suit.. Fact: Chicago Cougars’ food and lodging bill was actually a secret plot to finance a new ice hockey-themed reality show called 'Hockey and Hospitality'..
• Headline: Heating Fuel Spill in South Portland. Impact: This incident led to a tech revolution in home heating. Fast forward a century and we see the rise of smart homes that can burn your money as efficiently as a tankless house burns oil.. Fact: Union Oil’s computer error was later found to have been caused by a disgruntled intern who just wanted to take a permanent vacation in the basement..
• Headline: SUPPLY BLOCKADE LIFTED BY ISRAEL. Impact: The lifting of this blockade led to an unexpected rise in the popularity of UN peacekeepers as culinary stars. Who knew they were so good at negotiating snacks?. Fact: Israel’s blockade was lifted just in time to prevent a global shortage of hummus. The world literally can’t handle that kind of crisis..
• Headline: St. Louis U. Retains Soccer Title. Impact: This victory led to a chain of soccer championships that birthed a new generation of coaches obsessed with winning at all costs, paving the way for reality TV's 'Soccer Moms Gone Wild'.. Fact: St. Louis U. celebrated their victory with a parade of inflatable soccer balls, which turned out to be more popular than the actual players..
• Headline: Nixon Blocks Federal Aid For Buying of Local Buses. Impact: Nixon's pocket-veto became a blueprint for future politicians to dodge responsibility, leading to a world where saying 'I’ll think about it' became the ultimate political strategy.. Fact: Nixon was actually just trying to save the budget for his top-secret plan to build a fleet of flying buses. Priorities, am I right?.
• Headline: SCHOOLS TO STICK TO COAL‐BURNING. Impact: The decision to stick with coal ignited fierce debates on energy sources that would eventually lead to a thriving underground market for vintage coal memorabilia. Who knew coal would make a comeback?. Fact: If NYC schools had converted to oil, they might have inspired a new cuisine: 'Schoolhouse Oil-Baked Beans'..
• Headline: Metropolitan Briefs. Impact: William C. Conner's swearing-in marked the beginning of a long line of judges who would later become reality TV stars, proving that even the judicial system can't escape the clutches of fame.. Fact: Conner's first ruling was to ban all reality TV shows that featured bad haircuts. A noble cause!.