DECEMBER 6, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Diplomacy Efforts for Kissinger Meeting. Impact: Kissinger's failed diplomatic attempts lead to the creation of a secret society of disgruntled diplomats who meet annually to complain about the 'good old days' when they had actual power. They eventually develop a cult-like following and influence U.S. foreign policy through passive-aggressive memos.. Fact: Did you know that Kissinger once said his favorite diplomatic strategy was to just keep talking until everyone else fell asleep? It's the 'sleep diplomacy' technique!.
• Headline: Burns Discusses Economic Challenges Ahead. Impact: Burns' optimism about the economy convinces multiple generations of Americans that everything will be fine, only for them to discover years later that 'fine' is just code for 'let's buy more avocado toast and ignore our student loans.'. Fact: Did you know that 'burns' can also refer to what happens to your wallet when you listen to economists? It's a painful experience..
• Headline: Corporate Bonds Face Price Declines Again. Impact: The corporate bond price drops set off a chain reaction, leading to a nationwide trend of people refusing to invest in anything that sounds remotely like 'corporate.' This eventually results in a boom in artisanal investments in locally-sourced potato chips.. Fact: Did you know that 'corporate' is just a fancy term for 'not as fun as going to a food truck festival'?.
• Headline: Mattel Reports Gain in Quarter; Nine‐Month Loss Is $7.6‐Million. Impact: Mattel's financial woes lead to a backlash against plastic toys, sparking a retro revival of wooden toys and a resurgence of splinters as the top childhood hazard.. Fact: Did you know that Mattel's financial struggles were so severe they had to consider renaming Barbie to 'Budget Barbie'? She was going to have a new career as a financial advisor!.
• Headline: HOUSING IS URGED ON BIG‐LOT TOWN. Impact: Mrs. Steinholtz's advocacy for mixed-income housing creates a long-lasting legacy of community planning debates that eventually leads to a national phenomenon of 'Neighborhood Design Competitions,' where towns compete for the best use of space and the most eccentric playgrounds.. Fact: Did you know that mixed-income housing is just a fancy term for 'let's all pretend we can afford to live next to each other'?.
• Headline: Fuel a Worry in Car Renting. Impact: The energy crisis forces car rental companies to embrace eco-friendly practices, which eventually leads to the development of 'eco-cars' that run on the collective hopes and dreams of their drivers.. Fact: Did you know that the car rental industry once considered switching to renting out bicycles? They quickly changed their minds when they realized it wouldn't fit in the trunk!.