NOVEMBER 21, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: American-Arab Unit Evicted in NYC. Impact: This eviction led to a secret society of American-Arab relations forming in a basement somewhere in NYC, where they plotted to take over the world one hummus recipe at a time. Spoiler: It worked, but only at hipster cafes.. Fact: The building owner must have really loved his real estate more than international diplomacy. Imagine the drama over a lease agreement!.
• Headline: Nixon Addresses Concerns of Republican Governors. Impact: Nixon's assurances sparked a nationwide trend of politicians attempting to clear their names by releasing information—leading to a game of 'who can bury the most scandals under paperwork' that continues to this day.. Fact: Nixon's idea of transparency was basically just a foggy window. You could see something, but good luck figuring out what it was..
• Headline: GOVERNOR TO TELL 74 PLANS BY JAN. 9. Impact: Rockefeller's admission that not much could be done about Watergate sent shockwaves through the political world, resulting in a conspiracy theorist's delight where every political move was linked back to Watergate—because why not?. Fact: 74 plans? That's impressive. I can barely stick to my New Year's resolutions, and they’re usually just 'eat more pizza.'.
• Headline: Rockefeller Sees Beame, Calls Saving Fare Possible. Impact: This meeting set off a chain reaction of transportation reforms that ultimately led to the invention of Uber. Yes, you can thank a bunch of politicians for your late-night ride home.. Fact: When it comes to transportation issues, politicians love meetings almost as much as they love making promises that sound good but rarely lead to actual change..
• Headline: Africans Urging Arabs to Curb Oil to White Regimes. Impact: This bold move catalyzed a global reevaluation of oil dependencies. Countries started to hoard oil like it was the last cookie at a party, leading to a chaotic scramble for alternative energy sources.. Fact: The irony of using oil to negotiate against oil is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline—just a bit counterproductive, wouldn't you say?.
• Headline: Dutch Optimistic on Help in Oil Embargo After Market Meeting. Impact: The optimism displayed at this meeting inadvertently inspired a series of motivational posters featuring oil rigs, which now hang in boardrooms across the globe—reminding everyone that sometimes, hope is just a barrel away.. Fact: Dutch optimism is a real thing, often mistaken for 'let's just see how this goes.' Spoiler alert: It usually goes sideways..
• Headline: U.S. TOLD TO FIGHT ARAB ‘BLACKMAIL’. Impact: This advice triggered a long-standing debate on national policy that would eventually lead to the U.S. establishing a 'how to deal with blackmail' course—popular among politicians but still largely theoretical.. Fact: Economists advising against blackmail is like doctors advising against smoking—everyone knows it's bad, but somehow the habit persists..
• Headline: BEAME CUTS STAFF IN MAYOR'S OFFICE, ADDS A 3D DEPUTY. Impact: This decision created a precedent for city officials to think that cutting jobs while adding technology was a solid strategy—setting the stage for many an awkward conversation about job security in the modern age.. Fact: 3D deputies? What’s next, virtual mayors? If only they could actually solve the city’s problems without needing a coffee break!.