OCTOBER 14, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mall Playhouse Surpasses Expectations. Impact: The success of the Mall Playhouse set off a chain reaction that led to every shopping center in America trying to become a cultural hub. This ultimately resulted in a bizarre rise in mall theater productions of Shakespeare, featuring discount popcorn and enthusiastic teenagers with questionable acting skills.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing harder than finding a good seat at a packed mall theater is finding someone who actually wants to see Shakespeare in a food court?.
• Headline: Rutgers Hosts Police Work Conference 1984. Impact: This conference sparked a revolution in police training that eventually led to the invention of the 'Criminal Justice Bingo' game, where officers mark off squares for every cliché they hear during training. Who knew learning could be so engaging?. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'To Protect and Serve' was almost replaced with 'To Protect and Overcomplicate' after this conference..
• Headline: Decline of Traditional Lumberjacks in America. Impact: The decline of lumberjacks prompted a nationwide obsession with urban living, which ultimately resulted in the invention of artisanal wood-themed coffee shops where hipsters could drink lattes while pretending they know what a lumberjack's life is like.. Fact: Did you know that most hipsters think a 'lumberjack' is just someone who wears flannel and rides a fixie bike?.
• Headline: China's 24th. Impact: The muted celebration of the People's Republic's anniversary led to a decade-long conspiracy theory that the government was hiding a secret plan to replace all leaders with robots. Spoiler alert: it didn't happen, but it did inspire a lot of really bad sci-fi movies.. Fact: Interestingly, the most popular robot in Chinese cinema is still a disco dancing model named 'Electro-Red.'.
• Headline: Never Too Young to Be a Director. Impact: This sudden influx of young directors led to a phenomenon where Hollywood started casting teenagers in roles meant for middle-aged men, resulting in a bizarre string of movies about high schoolers solving complex political issues.. Fact: Did you know that many of these young directors still had to sneak out past their curfews to attend film festivals?.
• Headline: 5 WESTERN NEWSMEN DETAINED BY SOVIET. Impact: This incident marked the beginning of a long and complicated relationship between Western journalists and the Soviet Union, eventually leading to countless spy novels and movies where the journalists were the real heroes—because nothing says 'freedom' like a thrilling escape story.. Fact: In a twist of irony, many of those journalists ended up writing bestsellers, proving that even captivity can lead to a lucrative book deal..
• Headline: Federal Jury Investigating Report of $10,000 Payoff to Mafia by Faberge to Settle. Jersey Strike. Impact: This scandal turned into a 'how-not-to' guide for negotiations, leading to countless sitcom episodes where characters accidentally pay off the wrong people. It became a classic trope, because nothing says comedy like organized crime!. Fact: Fun fact: Fabergé eggs are now considered the original 'bling' in the world of organized crime. Who knew a beautiful egg could hide such shady dealings?.
• Headline: The World as an Audience. Impact: The notion of art serving a noble cause inspired a wave of performance art that involved interpretive dance about climate change, which, while well-intentioned, left audiences confused and slightly terrified about the state of the world.. Fact: Did you know that some of those performances were so avant-garde that they actually made global warming seem like a fun party theme?.
• Headline: A Ford‐for the Future?. Impact: The discussions around Vice President Ford's confirmation led to a series of political debates that resembled high school popularity contests, forever altering the way vice presidents are viewed—as backup dancers in the grand performance of politics.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more boring than a vice presidential debate is watching paint dry—and yes, they both have about the same level of excitement..
• Headline: TUNISIAN IS OPEN TO A PEACE ROLE. Impact: H Bourguiba's willingness to mediate led to a series of diplomatic efforts that, while ultimately unsuccessful, produced an endless supply of awkward dinner parties where world leaders tried to bond over hummus and failed to solve anything.. Fact: Interestingly, the only thing harder than achieving peace in the Middle East is getting world leaders to agree on the best way to prepare falafel..