SEPTEMBER 2, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Economic Optimism vs. Public Perception. Impact: Stein's desperate pep talk convinced people to buy more avocado toast, leading to a nationwide avocado shortage. Now, millennials just can’t catch a break.. Fact: Did you know that convincing people they’re better off is basically the same as telling a toddler that broccoli is ice cream?.
• Headline: Meany Critiques Nixon's Economic Policies. Impact: Meany's criticism sparked the greatest debate in labor history, resulting in Teamsters forming a secret society dedicated to solving disputes with interpretive dance.. Fact: Fun fact: Labor disputes are like family reunions; everyone’s arguing, but no one actually wants to leave..
• Headline: The President, the Vice President and the Law That Ties Them. Impact: Agnew's legal troubles inspired a generation of politicians to hire personal lawyers who also double as life coaches. Because who wouldn’t want advice on both ethics and personal growth?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than legal processes for politicians is trying to explain why your cat’s Instagram account is getting more followers than you?.
• Headline: Improvements at Rome's Airport Lessen Congestion. Impact: Rome's airport improvements inadvertently caused an influx of tourists, leading to a new trend: selfie sticks being used as walking canes for the elderly.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing worse than airport congestion is airport food? Good luck finding a decent meal anywhere!.
• Headline: The Penny Postal Card's Centennial. Impact: The penny postal card's revival inspired the creation of the 'Postcard Challenge', which required people to send one postcard a day, ultimately leading to an increase in friendships based solely on snail mail.. Fact: Did you know that sending postcards was once the height of social media? Imagine the hashtags: #PennyForYourThoughts!.
• Headline: Congress Returning. Impact: Congress's return ignited a fierce competition for the title of 'Most Obnoxious Political Ad', resulting in a new reality show that pitted politicians against each other in verbal jousting.. Fact: Did you know that Congress returning is like your relatives showing up uninvited for Thanksgiving? You know it’s going to get messy!.
• Headline: China's Party Congress. Impact: China's Party Congress sparked a global trend of mandatory succession planning in all organizations, leading to a bizarre new corporate culture of ‘Who’s Next?’ bingo.. Fact: Did you know that planning for succession in politics is like planning for a surprise birthday party? It’s always awkward and someone’s going to be disappointed..
• Headline: Now the Lineperson Comes to Football. Impact: The anniversary of the golfer's suspension led to a movement advocating for equality in sports suspensions, resulting in a new league for suspended athletes to compete in 'not-so-serious' sports.. Fact: Did you know that being suspended from sports is basically the adult version of being sent to your room? No fun allowed!.