AUGUST 5, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Susan's Girl Triumphs at Liberty Bell Race. Impact: Susan's Girl winning the race inspired countless children to take up horse racing, leading to an unprecedented spike in equestrian-themed birthday parties in the 1980s. This, however, caused a shortage of pony rentals, leading to the rise of inflatable unicorns.. Fact: The Liberty Bell is actually not as liberating as it sounds; it just likes to hang out and crack under pressure..
• Headline: Princeton Theater Co Moves to Rider College. Impact: The relocation of the Princeton Theater Co to Rider College sparked a wave of theatrical talent that eventually led to the creation of a new genre: 'Collegiate Dystopian Drama', where students lament not being able to afford rent.. Fact: Princeton grads are so good at acting that even their resumes are considered dramatic performances..
• Headline: Headliners. Impact: The aid sent to drought-stricken African nations not only prevented starvation but also kickstarted a global movement towards vegetarianism, which ironically led to an increase in demand for meat substitutes that were, well, mostly made from soy.. Fact: Starvation is a serious issue, and thankfully, international aid has often stepped in, but you wouldn't know it from the endless social media posts about avocado toast..
• Headline: Congress Fights Back. Impact: Congress's fight for a work burden revision led to the development of the 'Congressional Nap Act', allowing representatives to snooze during sessions, thus increasing overall productivity by 12% in the form of dreaming.. Fact: The only thing Congress has revised more than its work burden is the definition of 'bipartisan'..
• Headline: ALABAMA LAW BODY LOSES ON DISTRICTS. Impact: The federal court's decision on Alabama's districts led to a massive migration of political strategists to the state, inadvertently making Alabama the new hotbed for political reality shows that no one asked for.. Fact: Reapportionment is kind of like a game of musical chairs, except when the music stops, everyone just argues about who sat where..
• Headline: News of the Stage. Impact: The Elizabethan feast could have started a culinary revolution, if only someone had thought to serve powdered wigs as a side dish — instead, it just led to a resurgence in Shakespearean insults at dinner parties.. Fact: If you think Shakespeare is hard to understand today, just imagine trying to figure out the menu at an Elizabethan feast with all those fancy words!.
• Headline: Boston Air Crash. Impact: The Boston air crash prompted an overhaul of airport safety regulations, leading to the invention of the 'emergency exit slide', which now serves the dual purpose of getting passengers out quickly and giving them a free ride on the way down.. Fact: Airplane crashes are a serious matter, but if you think about it, they did help us with safety regulations — who knew that being terrified would lead to better flying conditions?.
• Headline: CHURCHILL, STALIN MADE POLISH DEAL. Impact: The Churchill-Stalin deal not only influenced the fate of Poland but also accidentally led to a secret society of historians who meet annually to argue over who would have won in a World War II trivia contest.. Fact: Churchill and Stalin's deal could be considered the original 'let's make a deal', but in this case, it involved countries instead of just a cheesy game show prize..
• Headline: Plan Offered to Purify All Waterways in State. Impact: The proposal to purify New Jersey's waterways was the first step toward the state's eventual transformation into a 'clean water haven', ironically leading to an increase in reality TV shows about fishing in 'pristine' waters.. Fact: New Jersey may have a reputation, but who knew they were so dedicated to cleaning up their act? Just wait until they propose a 'clean air' initiative — it might just blow you away!.