JULY 16, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Faculty Protest at San Francisco State College. Impact: This protest was the catalyst for countless faculty uprisings across the nation, eventually leading to the creation of 'Faculty Appreciation Day,' which ironically, no one bothered to celebrate.. Fact: Did you know that faculty protests often result in administrative meetings that achieve absolutely nothing? It’s like a ritualistic dance of frustration..
• Headline: Loews Cigarette Contest Rejudged. Impact: The rejudging of this cigarette contest sparked a nationwide revolution in how contests are judged, ultimately leading to the establishment of the 'No Smoking' sign as the official trophy for all future contests.. Fact: Fun fact: nothing says ‘we care about public health’ like a $100,000 prize for smoking! Clearly, this was a competition for the ages..
• Headline: Pennsylvania Liquor Store Strike Settlement. Impact: This liquor store pact inadvertently led to the rise of home brewing and the creation of a secret society of Pennsylvania beer enthusiasts, who still meet in basements to discuss the nuances of fermentation.. Fact: It's funny how a liquor strike can unite people – unless you're a teetotaler, in which case, you’ll just have to watch everyone else have fun..
• Headline: Visit to China Ends. Impact: This visit was the first of many awkward encounters between American politicians and Chinese officials, culminating in a series of confused handshakes that still haunt diplomatic relations today.. Fact: Did you know that after this meeting, American Congressmen were officially banned from using chopsticks at formal dinners? It's a culinary tragedy!.
• Headline: Burger Ruling Spurs Drive for TV Racial Equity. Impact: The ruling ignited a nationwide movement for racial equity in media, which eventually led to the creation of the 'Diverse Burger' campaign, where all burgers were required to include at least one ingredient from every culture. Good luck with that!. Fact: Did you know that the most diverse burger can still be just as unhealthy as a regular one? Progress is deliciously ironic..
• Headline: Two Canadians Released; Charge Abuse by Vietcong. Impact: This harrowing experience not only highlighted the plight of captives but also led to a surge in Canadian diplomacy, resulting in the creation of the 'Canadian Apology Act' for every possible situation.. Fact: The Canadians’ polite demeanor probably made the interrogation confusing for their captors – 'Sorry for being here, eh?'.
• Headline: CRIME CODE BILL STUMPS CONGRESS. Impact: The complexity of this bill led to Congress adopting an entirely new language, resulting in a secret code that only politicians could understand, prompting a new breed of lobbyists fluent in 'Congressese'.. Fact: Did you know that Congress has a secret code for 'we have no idea what we're doing'? It's called 'bipartisan agreement.'.
• Headline: Tocks Squatters Granted Measure of Recognition. Impact: This recognition not only emboldened squatters across the nation but also led to the establishment of 'Squatters' Rights Day', where everyone just gets cozy in places they don’t own. Free real estate, sort of!. Fact: Did you know that squatting is the only way to get a real estate agent to give you a property tour for free? Now that’s a win!.