JULY 9, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Duke Ellington Receives Legion of Honor. Impact: Ellington's award inspired a global jazz revival, which inadvertently led to the revival of plaid suits and fedoras, setting fashion back several decades in the process.. Fact: Duke Ellington was so smooth, he could probably charm the pants off a statue. Not that he'd try—he had class..
• Headline: The Two Brezhnevs: Back Home, the Ebullient One Vanishes. Impact: Brezhnev’s disappearance sparked wild theories ranging from alien abduction to secret spa retreats for stressed Soviet leaders. In reality, he was probably just avoiding awkward small talk.. Fact: The only thing more unpredictable than Soviet diplomacy at the time was a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded chamber..
• Headline: American Hurt at Pamplona. Impact: The goring incident led to a sudden spike in demand for bull-protection gear, resulting in the creation of the first-ever 'bull-proof' suits. Who knew fashion would take such a turn?. Fact: Running with the bulls is the only sport where you can literally say, 'I could have died!' and mean it..
• Headline: The Dance: Two Impressive Debuts in ‘Swan Lake’. Impact: The positive reception of these debuts inspired an entire generation to take up ballet, leading to a tragic increase in uncoordinated people attempting pirouettes in their living rooms.. Fact: Swan Lake is the only ballet where you can experience both the beauty of dance and the horror of a wardrobe malfunction simultaneously..
• Headline: Congress Seems Unlikely To Pass Trade Bill Soon. Impact: The failure to pass the trade bill resulted in a bizarre series of tariffs on everything from tacos to toilet paper, leading to a nationwide crisis of both hunger and hygiene.. Fact: You know things are serious when Congress can't agree on trade but can unanimously agree on their love for free lunches..
• Headline: Officials and Students in Eight Major Cities Describe Teen‐Agers’ Search for Summer Jobs as Grim. Impact: This grim job outlook caused a massive increase in the popularity of online gaming among teens, leading to the eventual rise of professional gaming leagues. Thanks a lot, economy!. Fact: Who knew that the search for summer jobs would give birth to a generation of kids who think 'working hard' means leveling up in Fortnite?.
• Headline: BUSINESS IS EAGER FOR FREEZE'S END. Impact: The end of the price freeze led to a price war so fierce that products were practically fighting each other on the shelves. Eventually, prices found their way back to normal—whatever that means.. Fact: Nothing says 'free market' like a bunch of companies wrestling over who can sell the same product for the highest price. Sounds fair, right?.
• Headline: Personal Finance. Impact: This ruling led to a confusing time for estate executors, making them question if they were running a law firm or a game of Monopoly. Clearly, no one read the fine print!. Fact: Estate planning: where every decision feels like you're choosing between a tax break and a trip to the Bermuda Triangle..