JUNE 30, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: E Bunker Named Chief Negotiator for Panama Canal. Impact: Little did they know, naming E. Bunker as chief negotiator would lead to a series of misunderstandings, resulting in the Panama Canal being turned into a giant water slide for tourists. Who doesn't love a good slip and slide?. Fact: Fun fact: E. Bunker was not just a negotiator; he also moonlighted as a professional sandcastle architect. Too bad he couldn’t negotiate a castle on that canal!.
• Headline: Farm Goods Prices Jump 6% in June. Impact: The 6% surge in farm goods prices led to a nationwide obsession with organic kale, which ultimately resulted in the Great Kale Crisis of '78. Yes, folks, it was a dark time when kale was the only vegetable left standing.. Fact: Did you know that during this price surge, people actually started using kale as a currency? Talk about a leafy green economy!.
• Headline: Dean's Watergate Testimony Insights. Impact: Dean’s testimony before the Senate inadvertently set off a series of events where politicians began hiring speechwriters from the local high school debate team, leading to an era of more creative excuses.. Fact: Fun fact: J.W. Dean's middle name is 'Watergate', which is ironic since he tried to wash his hands of the whole situation!.
• Headline: URUGUAY SEEKS END OF GENERAL STRIKE. Impact: Bordaberry's attempt to end the general strike led to an accidental national holiday where everyone celebrated by not working. This sparked a global movement for ‘Do Nothing Days’ that continues to this day.. Fact: Did you know that during the strike, the most common phrase uttered was 'I’m on strike from striking'? Truly a paradox of modern labor!.
• Headline: EHRLICHMAN WORDS LAID TO KLEINDIENST. Impact: Kleindienst’s conversation with Ehrlichman resulted in the creation of the 'Who Said It?' game show, where contestants guess which politician said what, leading to a new form of entertainment that sidelined actual news.. Fact: Fun fact: The original title for this segment was 'Twisted Truths' before they realized they were just describing the entire political landscape..
• Headline: GTE Sylvania Elects. Impact: T.R. Bunnell's ascension to GTE Sylvania's management led to a surge in fluorescent lighting enthusiasm, ultimately resulting in the Great Glow of '75, where everything was lit like a disco party.. Fact: Did you know T.R. Bunnell once tried to start a band called 'The Electric Bunnells'? It flopped, but they did light up the local coffee shop!.
• Headline: The David Eisenhowers Defend Nixon. Impact: The David Eisenhowers' defense of Nixon inspired future generations of politicians to recruit family members for PR stunts, creating the now-popular 'Family Feud' approach to political scandals.. Fact: Did you know that Julie Eisenhower once wrote a tell-all book called 'Nixon: The Family Edition'? It was a bestseller in the ‘Contradictions’ category!.
• Headline: RESERVE MAKES 2 MOVES TO SLOW LENDING BY BANKS. Impact: The Fed Reserve's discount rate hike led to a nationwide panic where people began hoarding cash in their mattresses, leading to the great 'Cash-Cushioning' craze of the late '70s.. Fact: Fun fact: This was also the beginning of the 'Mattress Bank' industry. Who knew that comfort could yield such economic chaos?.