JUNE 29, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nixon Aides Deny Involvement in Watergate Scandal. Impact: This denial set off a chain reaction where future presidents would think they could deny any scandal, leading to the rise of the term 'alternative facts'. Who knew Nixon was the original influencer?. Fact: Did you know that Nixon's administration was so scandal-ridden that they could have made a reality show out of it? 'Keeping Up with the Watergates' would have been a hit!.
• Headline: Gross Gets 3 Years For Taking Bribo. Impact: This sentencing showcased how corruption could lead to a chain reaction of distrust in public officials, inspiring future generations to develop a taste for reality TV exposés on political scandals.. Fact: Did you know that T Gross’s name in this context sounds like a bad joke in a political comedy? 'What do you call a corrupt official? T Gross!'.
• Headline: FASHION TALK. Impact: This fashion event marked the beginning of a trend where people would ignore actual news in favor of what celebrities wore to brunch. Thanks, Adolfo, for ushering in the age of style over substance!. Fact: Did you know that fashion weeks are probably the most glamorous excuse for people to ignore world issues? 'Sorry, can't save the planet; I'm busy scheduling my outfit changes!'.
• Headline: Panel in Congress To Study Charges On Tax‐Audit Use. Impact: This investigation led to the IRS being seen as a weapon in political warfare, turning tax audits into a form of modern-day espionage—after all, nothing says 'I love democracy' like using taxes to settle scores!. Fact: Did you know that using tax audits for political gain is like using a salad to hide a cheeseburger? No one buys it, but everyone pretends to be impressed!.
• Headline: Yonkers Mayor Opposes Plans for Shopping Plaza. Impact: This opposition to a shopping plaza became a beacon of hope for many suburban mayors, who later learned that 'ill-advised' plans usually lead to debates that make city council meetings feel like episodes of 'Survivor'.. Fact: Did you know that when local mayors oppose shopping plazas, they often forget that people will just drive to the next town over? 'Thanks for the trip, Mayor!'.
• Headline: Women Auctioneers, Once Unheard Of, Now Are Loud and Clear. Impact: This emergence of women in auctioneering opened the floodgates for other fields, making it possible for anyone to realize they can talk loudly and sell things, leading to a rise in garage sales everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more surprising than a woman auctioneer was the realization that someone actually wanted to buy your grandma's old china?.
• Headline: SCHLESINGER GETS SENATE'S BACKING. Impact: This quick approval of Schlesinger's nomination became a model for future Senate confirmations, where bipartisan support quickly devolved into the equivalent of a kindergarten fight over crayons.. Fact: Did you know that having three Defense Secretaries in three months might be a record? Someone should really check if they're all just passing the same note in class!.
• Headline: Winging It With Old Goodman Gang. Impact: The reunion of the B Goodman Quartet brought back a sense of nostalgia that led to an entire revival of swing music, inspiring a generation of hipsters to wear suspenders and dance like nobody was watching—except everyone was.. Fact: Did you know that the B Goodman Quartet could have single-handedly saved the world from bad pop music if only they had stayed together a little longer? Talk about a missed opportunity!.