APRIL 9, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: IRA Leaders Accused of Embezzlement. Impact: This little embezzlement scandal sent shockwaves through the IRA, leading to secret meetings in dimly lit pubs where they debated whether to invest in Bitcoin instead of stealing. Spoiler: they didn't.. Fact: Did you know that embezzlement is just a fancy word for 'I thought this was my money'?.
• Headline: China's Treasures Tour to the West. Impact: When China sent its treasures West, it unintentionally sparked a global art heist trend that inspired countless movies. Thanks, China, for giving us 'Ocean's Eleven'!. Fact: Did you know that some of these treasures included ancient artifacts that could probably tell better stories than anyone at a modern art gallery?.
• Headline: Metropolitan Briefs. Impact: The lice epidemic led to a nationwide panic that inspired a new line of children's shampoo called 'Lice Be Gone,' which took the world by storm—at least until everyone realized it was just glorified soap.. Fact: Did you know that head lice have been around since the dawn of time? They were probably the first to say, 'Hey, let's cling to someone's head and make life difficult!'.
• Headline: Picasso Is Dead in France at 91. Impact: Picasso's death led to a global art movement where every aspiring artist suddenly thought they could sell a blank canvas for millions. Thanks, Pablo, for the inspiration!. Fact: Did you know that Picasso once said, 'Every child is an artist'? He just didn't mention that some of them end up as really confused adults..
• Headline: Many Finding Inflation No Bar to the Good Life. Impact: This inflation survey caused a collective shrug among Americans, leading to a rise in consumerism that resulted in a national obsession with avocado toast and overpriced lattes.. Fact: Did you know that inflation is just a polite way of saying, 'Surprise! Your money is worth less today than it was yesterday!'?.
• Headline: RECORD DIP NOTED IN CITY WELFARE. Impact: The record drop in welfare rolls led to a series of unfortunate policy changes that made it harder for people to get assistance, effectively ensuring that everyone learned to 'live off the land'—whatever that means in the city.. Fact: Did you know that welfare rolls can decline faster than the number of people who RSVP to a party? Everyone loves a good party until it’s time to show up!.
• Headline: Floodway Opened to Ease A Threat to New Orleans. Impact: Opening the floodway was a temporary fix that led to a long-term debate about climate change and infrastructure that still rages on today. Thanks, Bonnet Carre, for kicking off the discussions that changed absolutely nothing!. Fact: Did you know that floodways are basically just nature's way of saying, 'I need a break from all this water, please!'?.
• Headline: Environmental Movement Registers Gains in 3 Years. Impact: The environmental movement's gains sparked a series of debates that ultimately turned into a worldwide trend of recycling—though some people still think recycling means tossing your old pizza box in the trash.. Fact: Did you know that the Clean Air Act of '70 was actually a code name for 'Make Smog Great Again?' Just kidding, of course!.
• Headline: Brezhnev Trip Plans Stir East Germans. Impact: Brezhnev's visit plans led to a series of awkward diplomatic encounters that made East Germany realize they were the awkward middle child of the Cold War. Who knew geopolitics could be so relatable?. Fact: Did you know that the best way to stir a pot is to invite a politician to dinner? Just make sure to have the fire extinguisher handy!.