MARCH 13, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cambodian Troops Withdraw Under Pressure. Impact: The withdrawal of Cambodian troops in a desperate attempt to escape Communist pressure set off a chain reaction of events that ultimately led to the Khmer Rouge taking power, which then inspired countless 80s action movies where American heroes would save the day. Thanks, Hollywood!. Fact: Despite the intense pressure, it turns out that 'highway' was just a euphemism for 'really bad decisions.'.
• Headline: The Capture of J T Downey. Impact: The capture of J.T. Downey and his long imprisonment became a cautionary tale for future CIA agents, who now carry around a special pamphlet titled 'How Not to Get Captured in a Cold War.'. Fact: He was imprisoned for over 20 years; talk about a long-term commitment! Did they at least offer him a good WiFi connection?.
• Headline: Leonard Will Quit Post In Justice Department. Impact: J. Leonard’s departure from the Justice Department sparked a series of resignations that eventually led to a massive 'Who's Who' of lawyers popping up in private practice, proving that government work was just a pit stop on their way to the big bucks.. Fact: Leaving the Justice Department to become a private lawyer is like jumping from a sinking ship to a luxurious yacht. Bon voyage!.
• Headline: Brown Trial Is Told Weapons Don't Give Usable Fingerprints. Impact: The revelation that firearms don’t yield usable fingerprints led to an entire sub-industry of ‘fingerprint-less’ crimes. The real lesson? Always keep your fingerprints to yourself; they're apparently not worth much.. Fact: Looks like guns are the introverts of the crime world—great at making noise but terrible at leaving a trace!.
• Headline: Senate Unit May Summon Nixon Aide. Impact: The Senate’s potential summons of a Nixon aide during the Watergate investigation shows us that in politics, it's not about what you know, but who you can avoid talking to without looking guilty. It's an art form, really.. Fact: If avoiding Congress were an Olympic sport, Nixon aides would have won gold medals by now!.
• Headline: PERONIST ELECTED ARGENTINE CHIEF, LOUSE REPORTS. Impact: The election of H.J. Campora and the resurgence of Peronist candidates set off waves of political turbulence in Argentina, influencing everything from tango music to the way people argue over the best way to grill meat.. Fact: Voting turnout of 90% means a lot of people were really invested in avoiding their in-laws that day!.
• Headline: Downey Back Home To Visit His Mother. Impact: J. Downey returning home after years as a prisoner became a symbol of hope, inspiring future captives to write 'How to Survive 20 Years of Awkward Silence' bestselling guides.. Fact: You have to be pretty tough to survive 20 years in captivity. That’s like a really long Netflix binge without the snacks!.
• Headline: NIXON SAYS AIDES WILL NOT TESTIFY BEFORE CONGRESS. Impact: Nixon’s refusal to let aides testify is the political equivalent of saying 'I don’t want to talk about it, Mom!'—a strategy that definitely didn’t backfire spectacularly.. Fact: Nixon's aides must have felt like they were in a sitcom where the main character keeps dodging questions. Spoiler alert: it never ends well!.