FEBRUARY 6, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: PS 50 Occupation for School Reform. Impact: If these parents hadn't occupied PS 50, we might have ended up with a principal who thought misusing candy sale funds was a great way to fund a covert ice cream truck operation. Imagine the chaos in the schoolyard!. Fact: Did you know that candy sales are the backbone of many school budgets? Because who needs textbooks when you have sugar rushes?.
• Headline: U.S. Promises Air Support to Cambodia. Impact: This assurance of air support likely led to the creation of a new genre of 'military assurance' memes. In a parallel universe, there are entire websites dedicated to translating military jargon into cat pictures.. Fact: Fun fact: The U.S. has assured support to many nations, but the real question is: who assures the U.S. that they'll keep sending those assurances?.
• Headline: Fire Call Rouses Thief. Impact: Had the thieves known that firemen were busy, they might have considered a new career in distraction tactics. Who knew that fire alarms could be a looter's best friend?. Fact: You'd think firehouses would be the safest places, but apparently, they attract thieves like moths to a flame. Literally..
• Headline: F.D.A. Official Says Cautious Policy on Licensing New Drugs Has Prevented Medical Disasters in U.S.. Impact: Dr. Simmons’ cautious approach sparked a revolution in the pharmaceutical industry, leading to a new motto: 'Better safe than sorry,' which eventually made its way to every office coffee break conversation.. Fact: Thalidomide is a classic example of what happens when a drug gets a little too ambitious. Turns out, caution is key, especially in medical science!.
• Headline: SAIGON BYPASSES ACCORD IN FREEING MANY PRISONERS. Impact: The mass release of prisoners could have inadvertently led to a superhero origin story for one of those former prisoners. In an alternate timeline, we have 'The Avenger of Saigon' roaming the streets.. Fact: Releasing thousands of prisoners without a plan is like sending your cat out into the wild; you just have no idea what’s going to happen next..
• Headline: Senate Votes to Require Approval of Budget Aides. Impact: By requiring reconfirmation, Byrd ensured that every Cabinet officer felt like they were on a never-ending audition for a reality show called 'Survivor: Washington D.C.'. Fact: It's funny how politicians have to be reconfirmed like they’re contestants on a game show. Can we get a 'phone-a-friend' option?.
• Headline: Saigon and Vietcong Aides Hold First Paris Meeting. Impact: This first meeting in Paris might have led to the idea of diplomatic negotiations being conducted over croissants and espresso, forever changing international relations into a brunch affair.. Fact: Paris meetings are famous for their pastries, but who knew they’d also serve as the backdrop for serious political discussions? The croissants must have been delightful..
• Headline: Arthur Daley. Impact: Daley’s commentary inadvertently inspired a series of Olympic-themed reality shows where athletes battle it out over the right to host the next Winter Games. Spoiler: Denver still loses.. Fact: Brundage wanted to stop the Winter Olympics, but instead, we just got more events nobody cares about, like curling. Thanks for nothing, A Brundage!.