JANUARY 31, 1973

Full News Archive

• Headline: Merck & Co Achieves Record Profits. Impact: Merck's profit increase in '72 led to increased investment in pharmaceuticals, which eventually resulted in the creation of drugs that would help people live longer, thereby creating an overpopulation crisis in the 21st century. Thanks a lot, Merck. Fact: In 1972, Merck's profits soared, but they still couldn't figure out how to make a decent pizza.
• Headline: Historic Dow Jones Milestone Achieved. Impact: The Dow hitting nearly 1000 was like a teenage boy hitting puberty—awkward, yet somehow full of promise. This moment gave investors the false confidence to ride the market like it was a roller coaster, leading to the wild 80s and the dot-com bubble. Fact: In 1972, the Dow was still figuring out what it wanted to be when it grew up. Spoiler alert: it never really did.
• Headline: European Central Banks Support Dollar Value. Impact: European central banks backing the dollar was like a bunch of friends trying to hold up a drunk buddy. It worked temporarily, but eventually, everyone needed a cab home, resulting in the chaotic currency fluctuations of the late 70s. Fact: Back then, backing the dollar was less about economics and more about the hope that it wouldn’t fall flat on its face.
• Headline: Base on Coast Prepares For Arrival of P.O.W.'s. Impact: The return of POWs from Vietnam marked a significant shift in public sentiment towards the war, leading to protests and a collective national guilt trip that lasted decades. Thanks to this, we learned that dealing with trauma is hard, and sometimes we just binge-watch TV instead. Fact: Travis Air Force Base became a local hotspot for emotional reunions—because who doesn't love a good tear-jerker?.
• Headline: Ants, Men and H‐Bombs. Impact: C.L. Sulzberger’s article on warfare in ants and men suggests that humanity's violent tendencies may have been influenced by our tiny, six-legged friends. Who knew our penchant for chaos had such small roots?. Fact: If ants had thumbs, who knows what kind of weaponry they’d develop? Probably just larger crumbs.
• Headline: 250 Fans at Draft Get Chance to Quiz Rozelle. Impact: The NFL draft's Q&A session was the beginning of fans thinking they could influence the game, leading to an era of 'armchair quarterbacks' who think they know better than actual coaches. Spoiler: they don’t. Fact: 250 fans in 1972 felt like they had a chance to make a difference in the NFL, but alas, they would ultimately just go home and complain on social media instead.
• Headline: SIHANOUK IS VISITING HANOI TO MARK TET. Impact: Sihanouk's visit to Hanoi marked a moment of diplomatic toe-dipping that would ripple through history, leading to misunderstandings and further entrenchments in the region. It's like trying to be friends with your ex while they're dating your best friend. Fact: This Tet celebration was basically a family reunion, minus the awkward small talk and passive-aggressive comments. Or maybe not.
• Headline: Gulf and Sun Oil Gain in Quarter. Impact: Gulf Oil Corp’s earnings rise was like fuel to a fire—no pun intended—that would lead to the oil crises of the 70s. More profits, more drilling, and eventually, the world realizes alternative energy is a thing. Fact: In the 70s, oil execs were practically rolling in money while the rest of us were rolling up our sleeves to figure out how to pay for gas.
• Headline: NIXON' ECONOMIC REPORT PREDICTS SLOWER GROWTH AND SAYS IT IS DESIRABLE. Impact: Nixon’s economic report predicting slower growth was like the adult version of saying 'it’s not you, it’s me.' It paved the way for economic policies that would haunt us for decades. Thanks for the heads up, Dick. Fact: This report was likely written while Nixon was contemplating how to remain in power—talk about multitasking!.