NOVEMBER 24, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Protests Lead to Discharges on USS Constellation. Impact: The discharges from the Constellation could be seen as a catalyst for the eventual rise of a reality TV show called 'Sailor Shenanigans,' where military life meets dramatic exits. Reality TV was just waiting for this moment.. Fact: Did you know that sailors can now get discharged for racial disturbances? Who knew the Navy was trying to set new standards for 'keeping it classy'?.
• Headline: LISBON REBUFFS THE U.N.ON AFRICA. Impact: Portugal's rejection of the UN resolution sent shockwaves through the diplomatic community, leading to years of contentious debates about self-determination, colonial legacies, and who gets to throw the best party on an international stage.. Fact: Did you know that Portugal's idea of 'grave injustice' involves simply ignoring the UN? Must be nice to have the luxury of selective listening..
• Headline: SAILORS DESCRIBE RACIAL BATTLING. Impact: The bloody brawl on the USS Kitty Hawk could have been the inspiration for a blockbuster movie called 'Navy Rumble,' starring Vin Diesel and a cast of unknowns who can swing clubs like pros.. Fact: Did you know that club-swinging marines are not usually part of the Navy's PR campaign? But hey, there's always a first time for everything!.
• Headline: FEW FOUND GUILTY IN MIAMI ARRESTS. Impact: The virtually closed judicial books on the protests led to the birth of a new form of protest: the 'silent protest,' where demonstrators just sit around and avoid getting arrested altogether. How innovative!. Fact: Did you know that being arrested at protests is apparently a rite of passage for youthful Americans? Welcome to the club!.
• Headline: New Rules for Evidence Widen Judges' Discretion. Impact: The Supreme Court's new rules paved the way for future government cover-ups, ensuring that every conspiracy theorist's wildest dreams would come true. Thanks for the loophole, guys!. Fact: Did you know that 'secrets of state' is just a fancy way of saying, 'We’re hiding something, and you can’t know what it is'? Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Boston Theater Stage Burns. Impact: The fire at the Aquarius Theater led to a new era of fire safety regulations in theaters, which ultimately resulted in the invention of the fireproof curtain—because nothing says 'entertainment' like safety.. Fact: Did you know that the Aquarius Theater's stage fire cost $5,000? That's just one bad night out of the budget for a Broadway show!.
• Headline: DUBLIN PRESSING ATTACK ON I.R.A.. Impact: Dublin's crackdown on the IRA could have been the spark that ignited a thousand rebel songs, each one more dramatic than the last, ensuring that the world would never run out of pub anthems.. Fact: Did you know that when you press a government, the most likely response is a crackdown? It’s a classic move in the political playbook!.