SEPTEMBER 19, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: M'Govern Advocates for Mining Regulation. Impact: Senator McGovern’s call for a strip-mining ban led to the eventual rise of eco-warrior hipsters who now spend most of their time in overpriced coffee shops lamenting the loss of nature while sipping oat milk lattes. The irony is delicious.. Fact: Fun fact: Byssinosis is just a fancy term for 'too much cotton dust,' which sounds like a title for a country song about lost loves and laundry days..
• Headline: Appointment to OPIC Board Announced. Impact: The appointment of an assistant secretary to the Overseas Private Investment Corp sent shockwaves through the bureaucracy, causing paperwork to multiply like rabbits. Now, every time someone sneezes, a new form is created.. Fact: Did you know that assistant secretaries spend 90% of their time deciding on the font for their memos? Comic Sans, anyone?.
• Headline: WIRE TAP EVIDENCE IN U.S. CASE BARRED. Impact: The decision to bar wiretap evidence in a gambling case created a long-standing precedent for the ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ mentality. It’s comforting to know that the government can’t eavesdrop on your bad decisions.. Fact: Did you know that a ruling like this just makes it easier for people to plan their next poker night without the fear of being bugged? Poker faces unite!.
• Headline: UGANDA INVADERS REPORTED HALTED BY AMIN'S TROOPS. Impact: The failed invasion of Uganda by a small army not only solidified Amin’s power but also sparked a series of military coups that inspired a wave of action movies in the 80s. Thanks for the plot twist, history!. Fact: It’s fascinating how one failed invasion can lead to so many action heroes being born in Hollywood. Apparently, the real battle was for the box office!.
• Headline: Three Astronauts Will End 8 Weeks in 20‐Foot Chamber. Impact: The eight-week chamber experiment paved the way for future astronauts to spend even longer periods in space, resulting in an impressive amount of space-related memes and TikTok challenges that would make even Neil Armstrong roll his eyes.. Fact: Did you know that living in a 20-foot chamber for eight weeks is basically the astronaut equivalent of camping, but with fewer mosquitoes and more scientific equipment?.