AUGUST 24, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rising Budget Deficit Impacting Federal Spending. Impact: This budget deficit added so much stress to future generations that they created a national sport called 'Budget Blame Game.' Everyone blames everyone else, but no one ever wins.. Fact: Did you know that the budget deficit is like a bad haircut? It just keeps getting worse the longer you ignore it..
• Headline: Clashes in Baloi Result in Multiple Fatalities. Impact: These clashes led to a series of misunderstandings that spiraled into a decades-long feud over social media memes, leaving future generations baffled about what started it all.. Fact: Did you know that the Philippines has seen more clashes over misunderstandings than any soap opera plotline? It's always a cliffhanger!.
• Headline: NEW MURDER TRIAL IS WON BY 2 YOUTHS. Impact: This new trial opened a legal Pandora’s box, leading to a national debate on the ethics of trial by social media, ultimately resulting in a Netflix series that everyone binged but no one talked about.. Fact: Did you know that winning a new trial is like winning the lottery—except the prize is more time in court?.
• Headline: Transit Authority Agrees To Resume Contract Talks. Impact: The resumption of contract talks led to the creation of an entire genre of union-themed musicals, with songs like 'Take This Contract and Shove It' taking Broadway by storm.. Fact: Did you know that labor negotiations are the adult version of negotiating with a toddler? Lots of shouting and very little gets done..
• Headline: MURDER SUSPECT TURNS HIMSELF IN. Impact: His turning himself in inspired countless memes about 'the responsible soldier,' leading to a cultural phenomenon where people started 'admitting' to minor infractions for social media clout.. Fact: Did you know that turning yourself in is the new trend? Next, people will be 'confessing' to not recycling their pizza boxes..
• Headline: DISPUTE ERUPTS ON KASHMIR AGAIN. Impact: This dispute over Kashmir led to a series of poorly worded tweets that caused an international incident, proving yet again that social media can escalate even the simplest disagreements.. Fact: Did you know that disputes over Kashmir have been going on for so long that they could be the subject of a reality show? 'Keeping Up with the Kashmiris' has a nice ring to it!.
• Headline: ASIAN HEROIN RING UNCOVERED HERE. Impact: The uncovering of this heroin ring sparked a national conversation about the effectiveness of drug laws, which ultimately led to a trend of people pretending to be 'drug policy experts' at parties.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing looser than a 'loose-knit' drug ring is the way some people tie their shoelaces?.
• Headline: HEARING ADJOURNED IN TIMES LABOR CASE. Impact: The adjournment of the hearing caused newspaper editors to panic over print deadlines, resulting in the invention of the digital news alert, which has since plagued humanity with unsolicited notifications.. Fact: Did you know that the NY Times and its unions could be the subject of a soap opera? 'As the Paper Turns' has a certain ring to it!.