AUGUST 2, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Citizens Union Criticizes NYC City Council. Impact: The City Council's ineffectiveness led to a generation of citizens who believed their voices were as useful as shouting into a void. This eventually sparked the creation of social media, where everyone can shout into an even bigger void. Congratulations, NYC!. Fact: Did you know that the NYC City Council has a budget for 'trifling matters'? It's like funding a gourmet chef to cook instant ramen!.
• Headline: Concerns Over Gasoline Shortages in 1979. Impact: Assistant Secretary Dole's warning about gasoline shortages inadvertently led to a nationwide panic over gas prices, which spawned a generation of DIY fuel-saving hacks, like using bicycles or, heaven forbid, public transport.. Fact: Did you know that the price of gasoline is often more volatile than the stock market? Next time you fill up, consider investing your savings instead!.
• Headline: WAYS TO DETECT ALCOHOLISM SET. Impact: By establishing criteria for alcoholism detection, the National Council on Alcoholism set in motion an era where bars would need to hire 'drunkenness consultants' to avoid liability. Cheers to the future of responsible drinking!. Fact: Did you know that only 1 in 300 physicians can diagnose alcoholism? So, if your doctor says you’re fine after your fifth glass of wine, they might be in that statistic!.
• Headline: City Parking Garage Opens on East Side. Impact: The opening of a new parking garage in NYC became a blueprint for urban planners everywhere who still can’t figure out how to properly manage traffic. Spoiler alert: they still can’t.. Fact: Did you know that NYC has more parking garages than it does trees? Nature called, but the city was too busy paving paradise!.
• Headline: 9 in 11 Mackell's Office Cited In a Tax Evasion Inquiry. Impact: The tax evasion inquiry involving Mackell's office sent shockwaves through the district attorney’s office, resulting in a new unofficial motto: 'Don’t let the IRS catch you, or we’ll all be in hot water.'. Fact: Did you know that tax evasion is often more popular than ice cream? At least until the IRS gets involved!.
• Headline: Italian Press Dispute Ends. Impact: The end of the Italian press dispute saw newspapers return to normalcy, ultimately leading to the birth of sensationalist journalism where truth is often stranger than fiction, and fiction is just plain better.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'fake news' could have been avoided if everyone just agreed on Sunday pay rates? It’s all about the money!.
• Headline: Kissinger Meets Privately With Hanoi Aides Again. Impact: Kissinger's private meetings in Paris led to a series of backdoor deals that eventually opened up the world to a new level of diplomatic intrigue, proving that sometimes, the best conversations happen when no one is watching.. Fact: Did you know that Kissinger was so good at secret meetings that even his diary has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign? Diplomacy at its finest!.
• Headline: THE 1972 CAMPAIGN. Impact: J Miller's win in the Iowa Republican primary marked the moment when Iowa became the unofficial kingmaker of presidential candidates, leading to the modern era of campaign chaos where candidates promise everything and deliver... well, not much.. Fact: Did you know that Iowa's caucus is the political equivalent of a reality show audition? Everyone wants to be the next big star, but only a few get picked!.