JUNE 1, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Argentina Nationalizes Petroleum Industry. Impact: By nationalizing its petroleum, Argentina inadvertently set off a domino effect that led to every hipster barista in Buenos Aires insisting they serve only locally-sourced avocado toast. Trust me, it’s a slippery slope.. Fact: Did you know that this move made oil so trendy that it started to be served in wine glasses at upscale restaurants? No? Well, now you do!.
• Headline: Increase of Soviet Subs in Mediterranean. Impact: The increase of Soviet subs in the Mediterranean led to a global underwater game of hide-and-seek, which then inspired decades of submarine-themed video games. Who knew naval strategy could be so entertaining?. Fact: Fun fact: This was the moment when submarines became the most popular form of public transport in the Soviet Union. Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be fun?.
• Headline: Lydda Airport Massacre Overview. Impact: This tragic event led to a global increase in airport security measures, which, in turn, resulted in the invention of the TSA pat-down, forever changing the way we feel about air travel. Thanks a lot, gunmen.. Fact: Did you know that the TSA was actually founded as a response to this incident? Now we all get to experience the joy of taking our shoes off in public!.
• Headline: Detector Was Passed. Impact: This incident sparked a flurry of technological innovation in airport security, leading to the creation of machines that beep louder than your mother-in-law at Thanksgiving. Thanks to those gunmen, we now have a love-hate relationship with security lines.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Did you pack your own bags?' was actually invented shortly after this event. Because who doesn’t love a little passive-aggression at the airport?.
• Headline: INVENTORY DROP LISTED FOR APRIL. Impact: The reported sluggishness in manufacturing inventories led to a nationwide panic, resulting in people hoarding everything from toilet paper to canned beans, which became the new currency of the apocalypse. Who needs gold when you have baked beans?. Fact: Did you know that this is why everyone suddenly started stockpiling things? The great bean rush of '71 is a tale for the ages!.
• Headline: Pilgrimage to Holy Land Began in joy in San Juan. Impact: This pilgrimage, tragically interrupted, led to increased awareness of travel safety which, ironically, prompted more people to travel. The irony of seeking peace and running into chaos is not lost on history.. Fact: Fun fact: The Holy Land has since become a destination for those looking for both spiritual enlightenment and a hefty dose of reality. How’s that for a travel brochure?.
• Headline: ABRAMS IS CHOICE AS CHIEF OF STAFF. Impact: General Abrams' nomination was a pivotal moment in military history, setting the stage for a series of strategic decisions that would eventually lead to the phrase 'stay the course' being uttered more times than people could bear.. Fact: Fun fact: Abrams was so popular that he once received a fan letter from a tank. It was a heartfelt expression of admiration!.
• Headline: Pravda Terms Pacts Of Great Significance. Impact: Pravda’s glowing review of Nixon's talks with Soviet leaders inadvertently set the stage for decades of political spin, leading to the modern-day press release—where good news is just a euphemism for 'We’ve got some explaining to do.'. Fact: Did you know that 'significance' was the Soviet code word for 'It’s probably not what you think, but let's pretend it is'? Classic!.