MARCH 12, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discover Martin Siegel's Impact. Impact: In an alternate timeline, Martin Siegel becomes a renowned time traveler who inadvertently inspires a cult of historians who worship the year he was born. This leads to a 25-year period where historians only wear fedoras and listen to jazz.. Fact: Did you know Martin Siegel once thought about becoming a professional mime? Thankfully, he decided to stick with more vocal professions..
• Headline: Knox and Scott Triumph in Tennis Championship. Impact: Knox and Scott's victory in court tennis sets off an international obsession with racquet sports, leading to the invention of racquetball, which subsequently causes the global shortage of racquet strings in the 80s. Sorry, sports enthusiasts.. Fact: Did you know court tennis is like regular tennis but with more rules and fewer people who know what they're talking about?.
• Headline: Georgia's Historical Delegate Appointment. Impact: This seemingly innocuous naming of delegates sparks a nationwide movement for representation that eventually leads to a future where delegations are mandated to include at least one cat for every ten humans. Cats rule the world.. Fact: Did you know that the concept of delegate representation is often overshadowed by the more popular 'delegate to the nearest taco truck' philosophy?.
• Headline: The Price of School Reform. Impact: The debate over school finance leads to a future where all students are required to carry calculator watches, thus sparking a massive resurgence in 80s fashion. Who knew math could lead to such tragic style choices?. Fact: Did you know the only thing more inconsistent than school budgets are the lunch options? Mystery meat, anyone?.
• Headline: School Budget Woes: ‘Twas Ever Thus. Impact: The ongoing budget issues inspire a group of rogue educators to start a 'Pirate School' where the motto is 'No Budget, No Problem!' A new educational empire rises, but only for those who can sail.. Fact: Did you know that the Oceanside School District has had budget problems since 1883? Some say the ghosts of past accountants are still haunting the halls..
• Headline: Smooth on the water and easy on the eye. Impact: Worcester's book on junks and sampans leads to a revival of interest in boat design, resulting in a future where all boats are designed with a 'hipster' aesthetic. Rowing becomes the new yoga.. Fact: Did you know that 'junk' in boating terms doesn't refer to the contents of your garage, but rather a type of Chinese sailing vessel? Imagine the confusion!.
• Headline: Movies. Impact: L Grossberger’s parody interview leads to a wild surge in mockumentaries, forever changing the landscape of film. The world has to brace itself for decades of awkwardly funny documentaries about nothing.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'mockumentary' was first coined when someone tried to explain why their pet goldfish was the next big Hollywood star?.
• Headline: Kenya, to Ban Hippies. Impact: Kenya's ban on long-haired visitors inadvertently leads to a global hair fashion revolution, where everyone suddenly wants to sport buzz cuts, causing a massive shortage of hair gel. The world was never the same.. Fact: Did you know that banning hippies is like trying to ban rain? Good luck with that, Kenya!.
• Headline: Legislative Notes: Redistricting Is Still Touch and Go. Impact: The redistricting saga leads to a future where districts are drawn on napkins and debated over coffee. This results in a strange phenomenon where baristas become the most influential political figures in history.. Fact: Did you know that in some parts of the world, redistricting is viewed as a spectator sport? Grab your popcorn!.