MARCH 4, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mills' Innovative Health Care Proposal. Impact: If Mills' health plan had passed, we might have seen a world where every citizen had access to healthcare, leading to a dramatic drop in hospital waiting times and an increase in the number of people who actually understand what a co-pay is. Instead, we got a generation that thinks 'universal healthcare' is just a catchy phrase.. Fact: Did you know that debates about healthcare in the U.S. can actually burn more calories than a gym workout? You're welcome!.
• Headline: General Ford Addresses Londonderry Incident. Impact: General Ford's testimony might have inadvertently set the stage for a series of events that would later be referenced in countless conspiracy theories. Who knew that military strategy could be as confusing as assembling IKEA furniture?. Fact: In a twist of irony, the phrase 'no plan' has been used by every disorganized group of people ever, from the military to college students deciding on a Friday night out..
• Headline: WBAI HEAD JAILED IN CONTEMPT CASE. Impact: Goodman's refusal to turn over tapes might have sparked a fiery debate on journalistic integrity, leading to today's ongoing struggle of whether journalists should be heroes or just really good at Googling.. Fact: Fun fact: 'newsman's privilege' is basically code for 'I’d rather go to jail than admit I was wrong.'.
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: Waldheim's visit to Vienna could be seen as a precursor to the rise of global diplomacy and the need for international cooperation, because nothing says 'peace' like a bunch of dignitaries meeting in lavish rooms.. Fact: Did you know that the UN's main function is to remind countries that arguing is way more productive when done in a formal setting?.
• Headline: Coast Boy, 6, Rescued From Shaft. Impact: The rescue of the 6-year-old might have inspired a new wave of child safety regulations, turning parents into paranoid hawks who now believe every playground is a death trap. Thanks, kid!. Fact: The boy's rescue was so dramatic that it could have easily been the plot of a low-budget action movie—'Shafted: The Underground Adventure.'.
• Headline: Metropolitan Briefs. Impact: The negotiations between NYC Day Care Council and the Community and Social Agency Employees could have foreshadowed the never-ending saga of labor disputes, where the only thing more predictable than the outcomes are the complaints about the coffee in the break room.. Fact: You know a deal is bad when both sides agree that the coffee is terrible and the snacks are worse..
• Headline: G.O.P. Leaders Confident As Capital Meeting Ends. Impact: Agnew's pep talk to the GOP might have inadvertently led to the rise of political complacency, where everyone just assumes their side will win because, well, they have to, right? Spoiler alert: they didn't!. Fact: Remember, politics is just like high school; the popular kids always think they're going to win prom king, even when they trip over their own feet..
• Headline: KINKS FROM ENGLAND STAR AS ROCK GROUP. Impact: The Kinks' rise might have inadvertently inspired countless garage bands who think they can replicate their success by just wearing groovy outfits and playing loud music. Spoiler: it rarely works.. Fact: The Kinks were so influential that they single-handedly proved that sometimes being 'kinky' is just a matter of musical taste..