FEBRUARY 21, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Humphrey Tops Southern Polls. Impact: Humphrey's poll lead in the South led to a chain reaction where Southern Democrats suddenly started wearing plaid suits, believing it would make them more appealing to voters. This fashion choice somehow influenced 70s disco culture, proving that every political move can lead to questionable fashion trends.. Fact: Polling data in the 70s was so unreliable that some candidates would have better luck asking a Magic 8-Ball for advice..
• Headline: Discover Samuel Malkin's Legacy. Impact: Samuel Malkin's name appearing in history books created a parallel universe where all Malkins become famous for inventing increasingly bizarre gadgets. Today, there are Malkin-branded devices that solve problems nobody knew existed.. Fact: The name 'Samuel' has been popular for centuries, but the real question is, how many of them are actually interesting?.
• Headline: Nixon's Historic Visit to China. Impact: The foreign newsmen getting rules for Nixon's visit caused a butterfly effect leading to the rise of the 'No Photos Please' sign, which later became a staple in tourist traps across the globe.. Fact: Covering Nixon's visit was so tightly controlled that even the pigeons in Peking were given scripts to follow..
• Headline: PRESIDENT LEANS TO AN AMENDMENT ON PUPIL BUSING. Impact: President Nixon leaning towards an amendment on pupil busing ultimately led to future politicians leaning towards amendments on absolutely everything, including a proposed change to allow pets to vote.. Fact: When it comes to pupil busing discussions, politicians often talk in circles—literally, it’s a requirement for the job..
• Headline: Schenk Equals 1912 Feat On Speed‐Skating Sweep. Impact: Schenk equaling the 1912 feat on speed-skating created a ripple effect where future athletes started to believe that breaking records was akin to breaking the sound barrier, leading to all sorts of chaotic competitions.. Fact: Speed skating is the only sport where you can achieve world records while wearing what essentially looks like pajamas..
• Headline: EL SALVADOR VOTING IN 4‐WAY ELECTION. Impact: The 4-way election in El Salvador sparked a political debate about whether four candidates were really necessary, leading to a future trend where elections began resembling reality TV shows, complete with elimination rounds.. Fact: In a surprising twist, the actual winner of the election was the least likely candidate, who had been running under the slogan 'Vote for Me, I’m Not a Politician!'.
• Headline: WILLIAM A. RENKEL JR.. Impact: William A. Renkel Jr. entered the history books, leading to a bizarre era where every Jr. in the world started demanding their own biographies, causing libraries to burst at the seams with mediocre tales.. Fact: Juniors are often the unsung heroes of history, mostly because their stories usually end with 'and then I went home.'.
• Headline: The Dean of Johannesburg Opening Fight on Conviction. Impact: Rev G ffrench-Beytagh's conviction under the Terrorism Act inspired a global trend among activists to adopt increasingly creative names, leading to a world where every protest has a catchy title like 'The March of the Overzealous Vegans.'. Fact: Convictions under the Terrorism Act have historically led to more protests than actual terror attacks, proving that sometimes, words can be mightier than the sword—or the jail sentence..
• Headline: HISTORIC HANDSHAKE: President Nixon being welcomed by Premier Chou En‐lal. At the left is Mrs. Nixon.. Impact: Nixon's historic handshake with Premier Chou En-lai led to future leaders realizing that a good handshake can sometimes do more than decades of diplomacy, influencing future generations to choose their handshakes wisely.. Fact: The 'historic handshake' is widely regarded as the first recorded instance of a political photo-op that was actually planned down to the very last finger placement..