FEBRUARY 10, 1972

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ottawa's Trade Settlement Regret. Impact: If only the US had accepted that settlement, Canada might have invented maple syrup-flavored currency by now. Who knows? We could have all been paying for our lattes in syrup dollars.. Fact: Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. So clearly, they have the resources to drown out any deadlock with a good ol' swim!.
• Headline: Scrutiny on Deferred Wage Increases Expanded. Impact: This decision sparked a chain reaction that led to the rise of corporate jargon like 'synergistic optimizations' and 'value-added propositions.' Thanks, Pay Board, for keeping the buzzwords alive!. Fact: In 1970, people were still confused about what a 'deferred wage' even meant. Spoiler: It’s not a fancy way to say 'we’ll pay you later.'.
• Headline: Mackell Critiques Public Suspect Naming. Impact: Mackell's concern over pre-trial publicity led to the creation of the 'Guilty Until Proven Innocent' club, which still meets every Tuesday for coffee and conspiracy theories.. Fact: Public naming of suspects is like social media today—everyone's got an opinion before the facts even come out. Nothing has changed!.
• Headline: Thieu Repeats ‘4 Noes’. Impact: Thieu's ‘4 Noes’ inspired a whole generation of political leaders to create their own catchy phrases, like ‘No more taxes’ or ‘No more Mondays.’ The world was never the same.. Fact: South Vietnam was like that kid in school who just wouldn't stop saying 'no' to everything. Spoiler: It didn't end well..
• Headline: NIXON SAYS SOVIET AND U.S. DEFINED PACT ON MISSILES. Impact: Nixon's clarification on the missile pact may have prevented an awkward moment in a future Star Wars movie where the Death Star was confused about its missile policy. Phew!. Fact: Nixon's State of World Message was like the first episode of a long-running sitcom: it had a confusing plot but people kept tuning in anyway..
• Headline: President Appears to Hint At Raids to Free P.O.W.'s. Impact: Hints at raids to free P.O.W.'s led to a series of increasingly ridiculous 'rescue missions' in pop culture, culminating in a reality show where contestants tried to escape the 'War Room.'. Fact: Nixon probably thought he was on the cutting edge of diplomacy, while others were just trying to cut their hair to look like the Beatles..
• Headline: Executive Changes. Impact: Bogan and Mulford's admission as general partners led to a series of boardroom power struggles, which eventually inspired countless reality TV shows about corporate drama. Thanks, guys!. Fact: The phrase 'general partner' sounds way more important than it actually is—like the title of 'Chief Unicorn Officer' at a start-up..
• Headline: NIXON BIDS RIVALS NOT BLOCK PEACE. Impact: Nixon's plea for rivals not to block peace probably resulted in a secret competition among rivals to see who could block peace the best. Spoiler alert: they all lost.. Fact: Nixon's idea of a peaceful rival was probably like asking your sibling not to eat your snacks. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: Manners' book reviews inadvertently inspired some future authors to write books with even more confusing titles, which has led to the literary landscape we enjoy today—full of baffling names!. Fact: Books like 'Poor Cousins' are why people started using subtitles. Because who doesn't want to read a book that sounds like a family reunion gone terribly wrong?.