DECEMBER 30, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Draft Pause Eases Pressure on New Graduates. Impact: If only those 70,000 guys had known that skipping the draft would lead to a massive surge in video game development, we might have avoided the 'endless war' trope in gaming altogether. Imagine if they all just became professional gamers instead!. Fact: It's funny how people will fight to avoid fighting. I guess some just prefer a good Call of Duty match over a real one..
• Headline: US Bombing Campaign Hits North Vietnam. Impact: The relentless bombing might have inadvertently led to a new genre of music: 'Bomb Beats.' Artists took inspiration from the chaos, turning destruction into disco.. Fact: They say music is a universal language, but I'm not sure 'bombing' is the right dialect..
• Headline: ALBANY'S LEADERS IN FRAGILE ACCORD ON NEW TAX PLAN. Impact: Rockefeller's tax plan might have inspired countless politicians to spend more time negotiating taxes than solving real problems, leading to endless debates in the future—where they talk a lot but do very little.. Fact: Who knew tax plans could be as exciting as watching paint dry? At least the paint doesn't argue over revisions..
• Headline: Bermuda Gets Black Leader. Impact: Sir Henry Tucker's resignation might have sparked a trend where leaders step down graciously, inspiring a future where politicians 'retire' before they become a meme.. Fact: Fun fact: Resigning for age reasons is like saying, 'I'm too old for this nonsense,' which is basically the mantra of every retiree..
• Headline: PRESBYTERIANS URGE REFORMS IN TAIW AN. Impact: The call for reforms in Taiwan by the Presbyterians might have inadvertently kick-started a global trend of religious organizations trying to be political activists, which led to countless awkward family dinners debating politics instead of just enjoying turkey.. Fact: When Presbyterians start giving political advice, you know the world is upside down. Next, they’ll be hosting their own talk shows!.
• Headline: Higher Jobless Benefits Set for Ex‐Servicemen. Impact: Higher unemployment benefits for veterans could have led to a whole new movement where veterans became the poster children for benefits, paving the way for future debates on welfare and veteran rights.. Fact: It’s amazing how benefits can turn into a tangled web of political discourse. Who knew veterans could spark such a debate?.
• Headline: BROCKINGTON NAMED N.F.C.'S TOP ROOKIE. Impact: Brockington being named top rookie likely inspired a slew of future players to believe that if they just tried hard enough, they could become legends. Spoiler alert: most just end up in the 'where are they now?' segments.. Fact: Being named rookie of the year is like winning a participation trophy in the world of sports. Enjoy it while it lasts!.