DECEMBER 16, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Price Panel Reduces Medical Cost Inflation. Impact: This move led to a series of convoluted bureaucratic procedures that inadvertently spawned a black market for 'unofficial' medical advice, resulting in the rise of underground osteopaths known as 'bone benders' who charged double for their 'unregulated' services.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think medical costs are high now, just wait until the next time someone tries to justify a 2.5% increase in the cost of band-aids..
• Headline: Kamchatka Earthquake: Shaking Siberian Shores. Impact: The tremors from this quake ultimately shifted tectonic plates just enough that they triggered a minor volcanic eruption, which was mistaken for a new, trendy coffee shop opening in a nearby town, resulting in the world's first 'lava latte.'. Fact: Did you know that the Kamchatka Peninsula is home to some of the most active volcanoes in the world? At least the quakes keep the residents on their toes..
• Headline: Zulfikar Ali Bhutto denouncing U.N. Security Council. Impact: Bhutto's fiery speech inspired a wave of impassioned speeches worldwide, inadvertently launching a new trend of political leaders trying to one-up each other in theatrical denunciations, leading to the first-ever 'Dramatic Politician Awards.'. Fact: Bhutto was known for his eloquence; in fact, he could probably convince a rock to roll over if he tried hard enough..
• Headline: Garrison Pleads Not Guilty; Says He Is Being Repressed. Impact: Garrison's claims of repression set off a chain reaction of conspiracy theories that fueled a pop culture phenomenon, leading to a series of outrageous conspiracy-themed reality shows that still haunt us today.. Fact: In the world of conspiracy theories, the only thing more dangerous than the truth is the truth's potential for a sequel..
• Headline: Soviet Ignores Warnings. Impact: The USSR's blatant disregard for warnings led to a series of miscommunications that caused a diplomatic incident where a Soviet delegation accidentally sent a 'Thank You' note instead of a rebuttal, leading to decades of ironic diplomatic humor.. Fact: They say ignorance is bliss, but in the world of international relations, it often leads to very awkward dinners..
• Headline: Berrigan Defense Is Given Government's Witness List. Impact: This legal maneuver prompted a slew of legal dramas that inspired a whole genre of courtroom thrillers, paving the way for the next great American pastime: watching lawyers argue on screen instead of in real life.. Fact: Did you know that courtroom dramas are just real-life events dressed up in fancy suits and dramatic music? Who needs reality TV?.
• Headline: TEXAS INSURER VOTE BACKS REALIGNMENT. Impact: This vote marked the beginning of a long and tedious corporate restructuring trend that resulted in more jargon than actual change, leading to a national shortage of buzzword bingo cards at corporate meetings.. Fact: Did you know that corporate realignments are like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic? It feels productive until you remember the iceberg is still there..