DECEMBER 2, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kissinger's Assurances to China. Impact: Kissinger's warm and fuzzy words soothed China like a lullaby, but in reality, it set the stage for decades of diplomatic waltzes that made every trade deal feel like a bad first date. Fact: Kissinger's secret to diplomacy? Just keep talking until everyone forgets what the original problem was!.
• Headline: Executive Changes. Impact: Dr. O'Leary's appointment might seem small, but it ultimately led to a series of decisions that created an insurance company whose paperwork could rival a Tolstoy novel in length. Fact: Insurance companies exist to make sure you can pay for things you didn’t expect—like figuring out how to read the fine print!.
• Headline: WOMEN'S PROTEST QUELLED IN CHILE. Impact: This protest was quelled swiftly, but it ignited a firestorm of activism that would eventually lead to women becoming a formidable force in Chilean politics. Who knew a bunch of women could actually change things?. Fact: In Chile, protesting is like a national sport—only with less exercise and more yelling!.
• Headline: Union Loses at Fordham. Impact: The loss for the American Association of University Professors at Fordham was a minor setback, but it set a precedent for faculty unions to either be the voice of reason or the reason for endless faculty meetings. Spoiler alert: it’s usually the latter. Fact: Ever notice how faculty meetings are just elaborate ways to avoid actual teaching?.
• Headline: U.S. WILL GRANT NO NEW PERMITS FOR INDIAN ARMS. Impact: By halting arms shipments to India, the U.S. inadvertently fueled a geopolitical game of chess where each country tried to outmaneuver the other using strategic alliances that could make a soap opera plot look simple. Fact: The only thing more confusing than international arms deals is trying to figure out who’s dating whom in Hollywood!.
• Headline: Senate Rebuffs Pay Unit, Backs Retroactive Raises. Impact: This Senate decision paved the way for a tug-of-war over pay that continues to this day, proving that Congress can indeed make a mess of things, one retroactive raise at a time. Fact: Congressional pay raises are like magic tricks—everyone knows they happen, but no one knows how they pull it off without anyone noticing until it's too late!.
• Headline: CONTROL UNIT RULES RISES IN PRICES NEED NOT MATCH INFLATIONARY GAINS IN PAY. Impact: Allowing price increases while ignoring inflation led to a bakery boom where cupcakes became luxury items. Who knew cake could become a status symbol?. Fact: Bakers have a secret: the more frosting you add, the less you have to worry about the actual cake!.
• Headline: Kidnappers Free Mexican. Impact: The safe return of Castrejon Diez may have seemed like a win, but it highlighted the ongoing issues of crime and safety in Mexico, creating a societal paranoia that could fill a library with conspiracy theories. Fact: Kidnapping is apparently a popular pastime in some places—because who doesn’t love a good drama?.