NOVEMBER 13, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: NYC Transit Fare Discussions with Federal Officials. Impact: This meeting led to a series of fare hikes that made NYC mass transit so expensive that rats began negotiating their own travel subsidies. The rats won, and now they ride the subway for free—talk about a public transportation revolution!. Fact: Did you know that NYC's subway system is so old that it’s basically a time capsule of bad decisions and questionable fashion choices from the '80s?.
• Headline: Wildcat Strikes Hit REA Express Operations. Impact: These wildcat strikes sparked a movement that would lead to the creation of an underground network of rebellious delivery drivers, ultimately resulting in the invention of pizza delivery by drone—take that, labor disputes!. Fact: Fun fact: Wildcat strikes are called 'wildcat' because they are as unpredictable as a cat on catnip. You never know where they’ll strike next!.
• Headline: Coal Negotiators Seek Weekend Agreement. Impact: If these coal negotiators had succeeded, we might have seen coal transformed into a gourmet food item, leading to a bizarre trend of coal-flavored ice cream. Thank goodness that didn’t happen.. Fact: Did you know that coal is technically just a really old tree? So, if you love your charcoal-grilled veggies, you’re basically eating dinosaur food!.
• Headline: GUARDS IN QUEENS TO FACE CHARGES. Impact: The charges against the guards led to a public outcry that resulted in the implementation of body cameras, which in turn led to reality TV shows featuring prison guards—because who doesn’t want to see that drama unfold?. Fact: Did you know that prison guards once tried to start a band called 'The Cellmates'? Their hit single 'Bars and Stripes' never made it to the charts..
• Headline: Cigar Is a Smoke, But Women Found Better. Impact: This humorous debate ignited a wave of ridiculous debates in colleges nationwide, culminating in the annual 'Best Snack Food' debate that actually led to diplomatic tensions between chips and dip enthusiasts.. Fact: Did you know that cigar debates are considered an art form? Well, only if you can actually find someone who cares enough to listen!.
• Headline: U.A.W., on Eve of Meeting, Narrowing Its Social Role. Impact: UAW's shift away from social reform led to a profound impact on labor relations, inspiring a new breed of union leaders who could negotiate a raise while simultaneously making the best donuts in town.. Fact: Did you know that the UAW once tried to unionize coffee breaks? They called it the 'Brew Crew', but it fizzled out faster than a bad cup of Joe..
• Headline: FRANCE ANDISRAEL MEET ON IMPASSE. Impact: The negotiations over Mirage jets sparked a trend of countries trading bizarre items for military equipment, leading to the first-ever international barter trade of chocolate in exchange for tanks. Sweet deal!. Fact: Did you know that the Mirage jets were so advanced for their time that they were once rumored to have their own social media accounts? They were quite the influencers in the aviation world..
• Headline: Senate, 40‐37, Votes Rise In Tax Exemption to $800. Impact: The tax exemption increase allowed farmers to invest more in machinery, which inadvertently catalyzed a robotic farming revolution—now we have robots doing the farmer's job while they sit back and sip on artisanal lattes.. Fact: Did you know that farmers once tried to unionize tractors? They called it the 'Tractor Union', but it never took off because, well, tractors don't have thumbs to sign anything!.