AUGUST 22, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jersey Mayor Supports Nixon's Economic Policies. Impact: This small endorsement might have led to a butterfly effect where mayors across the country felt empowered to back all sorts of ridiculous policies, like mandatory flower gardens in every front yard.. Fact: Fun fact: Mayors have been backing things since ancient Rome, usually with less fanfare than a modern press conference but still with a flair for the dramatic..
• Headline: John Lee's Infamous Algerian Assignation. Impact: This assignation in Algeria could have spiraled into a wild conspiracy involving secret societies and international intrigue, leading directly to the creation of bad spy movies decades later.. Fact: Did you know 'assignation' often gets confused with 'assassination'? One is about secret meetings and the other... well, you can guess. It’s all very cloak-and-dagger..
• Headline: MAGOON CAPTURES COAST HYDRO RACE. Impact: Dr. B Magoon's racing victory might have led to an entire generation of kids dreaming of powerboats instead of bicycles. Thanks a lot, Dr. Magoon! Now we have jet skis.. Fact: Did you know that winning a powerboat race comes with the added bonus of trying to explain to your grandma why you didn't just get a regular job?.
• Headline: Art. Impact: If cars became icons through art, perhaps we would all be driving around in paintings instead of vehicles, leading to bumper-to-bumper traffic jams of Picasso and Van Gogh.. Fact: Did you know that cars are often more reliable than some modern art? At least you know your engine won't break down mid-exhibition..
• Headline: Pneumatic Tubes To Carry Refuse In Disposal Test. Impact: If pneumatic tubes for refuse disposal had caught on, we might have been living in a world where trash is delivered to the landfill faster than your Amazon Prime package.. Fact: Did you know that pneumatic tubes were once considered the future of mail delivery? Somewhere, there’s a disgruntled postal worker shaking their head..
• Headline: FOREIGN AFFAIRS. Impact: If the world population really does hit 30 billion, we might find ourselves holding 'how to feed the world' seminars in a series of increasingly crowded basements.. Fact: Did you know that the best innovation in agriculture is often just regular old hard work? But hey, let’s keep dreaming about technological miracles instead!.