JULY 3, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Bouton's Impact on Sports Literature. Impact: If only J Bouton had written a book about time travel instead of sports, maybe we’d all be playing ball in the 18th century by now. Imagine MLB in powdered wigs!. Fact: J Bouton was a pitcher who famously wrote about the behind-the-scenes antics of baseball. So, yes, if you thought the players were all saints, this book might have shattered your fragile sports illusions..
• Headline: John Denver's Emotional Performance at Bitter End. Impact: John Denver's sensitive ballads inspired countless folks to take up singing in the shower. This led to a massive uptick in water usage, which, in turn, contributed to the Great Showering Crisis of 2032.. Fact: Denver’s hits have been so influential that even the birds might be singing ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ in perfect harmony—just to annoy the neighboring squirrels..
• Headline: Dying Woman's Legal Battle Over Surgery. Impact: Mrs. Gottlieb's brave decision not to undergo surgery sparked a whole movement advocating for patients’ rights. It turns out, not everyone wants to be a medical science experiment—a shocking revelation!. Fact: This case highlighted the ethical quagmire of modern medicine. Who knew that sometimes, the best treatment was no treatment at all?.
• Headline: N.Y.U. Dance Unit Winds Up 2d Week With Typical Zest. Impact: The NYU Dance Unit's zest could have inspired a nationwide dance-off, leading to an alternate timeline where everyone communicates through interpretive dance. Talk about awkward family gatherings!. Fact: The NYU Dance Ensemble has been known to break out into spontaneous choreography, which is basically how they avoid discussing their student loans..
• Headline: William Bundy's May 30 Memo On Reasons for U.S. Involvement. Impact: William Bundy's memo on U.S. involvement in Vietnam convinced future generations of politicians to write memos about memos—because who doesn’t love a good bureaucratic paper chase?. Fact: The only thing more convoluted than the reasons for U.S. involvement in Vietnam is trying to explain it at a dinner party without causing a scene..
• Headline: Fist Fights Disrupt Peace Rally Here. Impact: Fist fights at a peace rally? Clearly, the universe decided irony was the best form of entertainment that day, setting a precedent for future protests that would feature more brawling than actual dialogue.. Fact: The National Peace Action Coalition learned a valuable lesson that day: perhaps peace should come with a strict 'no punches’ policy. Who knew?.
• Headline: Joint Chiefs' April 20 Report To McNamara on Troop Needs. Impact: The Joint Chiefs' report to McNamara was the spark that ignited countless conspiracy theories about military strategy, leading to an entire genre of books where the truth is always stranger than fiction.. Fact: These memoranda are like the lost pages of a particularly boring spy novel—except they’re real and somehow even less thrilling..
• Headline: Pentagon Papers: McNamara, in '66, Urged Bombing Cutback and Softer Peace Terms. Impact: McNamara's push for a bombing cutback could have led to a world where Vietnam was a peaceful vacation destination instead of a war-torn battleground. But hey, who needs peace when you can have chaos?. Fact: It turns out that McNamara was not just a brilliant statistician; he was also a great advocate for peace—at least until he wasn’t. Talk about mixed messages!.
• Headline: McGeorge Bundy's Memorandum To Johnson in May on Bombing. Impact: Bundy's memorandum opposing bombing set off a chain of events that made politicians realize they should probably start listening to their advisors instead of just nodding along while daydreaming about golf.. Fact: It's rumored that Bundy’s memo was written at a particularly tense moment—right after he lost a game of golf to his boss. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: City Hall Notes. Impact: Lindsay's aides' summer timetable could have changed the course of democracy, leading to a future where every politician needed a summer intern just to manage their press announcements. Welcome to the age of over-scheduling!. Fact: The fact that a Deputy Mayor was willing to resign to run a campaign proves that politicians are just like everyone else—always looking for a way out of their day jobs!.