JUNE 22, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Military Goods Shipped to Pakistan Despite Ban. Impact: The U.S. sending military goods to Pakistan despite a ban set off a chain reaction leading to future 'oops' moments in international relations. Little did they know, the freighter would inspire future generations of diplomats to play an elaborate game of international dodgeball.. Fact: Did you know that this event probably made military contracts the equivalent of the high school prom? Everyone wants to be invited, even if it’s against the rules!.
• Headline: Hashish Discovery in Lobster Pot Lines. Impact: H Stark's accidental discovery of hashish in a lobster pot unexpectedly sparked the culinary revolution of 'lobster rolls with a twist.' Seafood restaurants across the country are still trying to replicate this 'catch of the day.'. Fact: Did you know that finding hashish in a lobster pot is the seafood equivalent of winning the lottery? Too bad it wasn't legal back then!.
• Headline: Mackell Re‐election Is Seen Assured. Impact: Lowell withdrawing from the race ensured Mackell’s victory, which ultimately led to an endless cycle of political incumbency. The phrase 'it's not what you know, but who you know' became a mantra for future politicians.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, withdrawing often means winning? It’s like a game of musical chairs, but with fewer chairs and more backstabbing!.
• Headline: State Markets Unit Assesses Violators $13,975 in a Month. Impact: The fines collected from violators sparked a nationwide trend of businesses hiding behind better marketing jargon. This led to the creation of terms like 'organic' and 'artisanal,' even when they were just code for 'we forgot to clean.'. Fact: Did you know that running an unsanitary establishment can actually lead to a boost in trendy restaurant reviews? Welcome to the age of 'grunge dining'!.
• Headline: McDonnell Douglas Given Harpoon Missile Contract. Impact: McDonnell Douglas getting the Harpoon Missile contract set off a chain reaction of military contracts that led to the U.S. becoming the world's leading supplier of 'oops, we meant to hit the target' technology.. Fact: Did you know that 'Harpoon' is just a fancy term for 'we hope this works'? Because nothing says 'trust us' like a missile designed for surface ships!.
• Headline: Court, 6‐3, Says Jury Trial Is Not Required for Youths. Impact: The Supreme Court ruling on jury trials for juveniles led to an ongoing debate about youth justice. This eventually inspired many a law professor to write a bestselling book titled 'Kids: The New Criminals.'. Fact: Did you know that denying juveniles a jury trial has led to more creative sentencing options? Can we get a reality show on that too?.
• Headline: Jaycees Elect Hawaiian. Impact: The Jaycees electing a Hawaiian president introduced 'Aloha Fridays' into the corporate world, forever changing the dress code and leading to countless beach-themed office parties.. Fact: Did you know that electing a Hawaiian to a position of power is basically the equivalent of appointing a vacation? Aloha, indeed!.
• Headline: Policeman Shot by Prowler In Apartment Backyard. Impact: The shooting incident involving Policeman T Timm highlighted the dangers of urban policing, prompting a future wave of buddy cop films where the hero always survives, despite the odds.. Fact: Did you know that being shot at while on duty is a surefire way to get a promotion in cop movies? Just ask every action hero ever!.