JUNE 8, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Reserve Alters Money Supply Growth. Impact: By slowing the money supply growth, the Fed inadvertently set off a series of events that led to the invention of overpriced coffee shops and the rise of people who think financial jargon makes them sound smarter at parties.. Fact: Did you know that the Fed's actions might have also led to the popularity of those 'Financial Freedom' seminars? Because nothing says success like a room full of people trying to sell you a course on how to be financially literate..
• Headline: Sen Muskie's Heroin Traffic Initiative. Impact: Muskie's call for a crackdown on heroin traffic not only influenced drug policies for decades but also inspired countless 'just say no' campaigns that resulted in an entire generation believing that wearing a T-shirt with a slogan could solve complex social issues.. Fact: Fun fact: After this speech, people began to associate the phrase 'drive against heroin traffic' with actual carpooling initiatives. Spoiler: it didn’t go well..
• Headline: P Foster's Perjury Trial Overview. Impact: P Foster's perjury trial set off a chain reaction that led to the rise of reality TV, where people would lie on camera for fame, proving that honesty really is the least interesting policy.. Fact: Interestingly, this case is what inspired the phrase, 'There's no such thing as bad publicity,' a concept that remains ever-popular in Hollywood today..
• Headline: $2,000 Increase in ‘Lulus’ Approved by Legislature. Impact: The legislative increase in 'Lulus' eventually contributed to a culture of entitlement that led to extravagant government spending on everything from exotic pens to lavish retreats, because why not? Who doesn't need a $5,000 pen?. Fact: Did you know that these expense allowances could have funded several small countries? But hey, at least the senators are well-equipped to write us all off!.
• Headline: HEARING REFUSED ON ZEISS BRANDS. Impact: Ford's antitrust issues sparked a renewed interest in corporate regulation, which eventually led to the 'We Can't Let Them Get Away With This!' movement, rallying citizens to care about monopolies... until they forgot what a monopoly was.. Fact: The only thing more exciting than a Supreme Court decision on spark plugs is a day spent sorting socks. Talk about riveting!.
• Headline: Rogers Vows to Aid Free Trade but Warns Others to Act Fairly. Impact: Rogers' comments on free trade led to an avalanche of trade negotiations that only resulted in a new breed of economists who could argue for hours about tariffs without ever getting to the point.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'free trade' was actually coined by a group of people who really just wanted to sell lemonade without permits? True story..
• Headline: PENNSY WIDENS LOSS ESTIMATE. Impact: Pennsy's widening loss estimates foreshadowed the rise of corporate bailouts, leading to a scenario where businesses learned that failing spectacularly could be just as profitable as succeeding.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing wider than the loss estimates was the gap between corporate executives and their understanding of basic math..
• Headline: CASTRO SAYS POET WASN'T TORTURED. Impact: Castro's denial of torture allegations contributed to the development of a global distrust in government statements, paving the way for conspiracy theories that suggest every government has something to hide—like the fact that no one really knows where all the missing socks go.. Fact: Did you know that this denial has been cited as one of the reasons why people started to question everything, including whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza? Spoiler: it does..
• Headline: Soviet Space Station Spurs Shuttle Plan. Impact: The establishment of the Soviet space station ignited a space race that pushed boundaries, allowing future generations to look up at the stars and wonder why they didn't just buy a telescope instead.. Fact: Fun fact: The excitement around the space shuttle project led to an entire generation thinking they could be astronauts, with many of them still trying to figure out how to operate a microwave..