JUNE 7, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Currency Floatation Study. Impact: This study led to a global trend of countries floating their currencies. Little did they know, this also sparked a secret competition to see which country could confuse its citizens with the most complex currency fluctuations. Spoiler: it was everyone.. Fact: Floating currencies have nothing to do with swimming pools, yet many economists seem to be diving into them headfirst without floaties..
• Headline: Chilean Delegation Visits North Korea. Impact: The Chilean delegation’s visit to Pyongyang sparked a series of awkward diplomatic encounters, where both parties tried to one-up each other on who could create the most elaborate political propaganda. It ended with a dance-off, obviously.. Fact: Chilean socialists in North Korea: because why not mix two vastly different flavors of government, like mixing pickles with chocolate?.
• Headline: A Long Float for German and Dutch Currencies Seen Aiding Dollar. Impact: E.A. Birnbaum's cautionary words about trade policies led to a frenzy of economists overanalyzing every sneeze from the Nixon administration, resulting in a bizarre new field of study: 'Nixonian Economics.'. Fact: Nixon's administration was so tough on trade policies that they made an actual 'No Fun Zone' for economists..
• Headline: U.S. Industry Takes a New Look at India. Impact: The increased interest in India prompted a decade-long obsession with yoga and spicy food in the U.S., leading to an explosion of overpriced yoga mats and a national crisis when the spice level was too high.. Fact: India’s economy improvement didn’t just bring business; it also brought a lot of Americans who thought they could master curry recipes after watching one YouTube video..
• Headline: India, Seeking to Dent Poverty, Revamps Planning. Impact: The violence in Ulster led to an ongoing series of 'who can throw a better protest' contests, ultimately culminating in a bizarre reality TV show that nobody asked for but everyone watched.. Fact: Belfast's protests became so legendary that they inspired a new genre of music: 'Protest Rock,' which is just rock music with a lot of shouting..
• Headline: Violence Flares in Ulster. Impact: Columbia's gym construction sparked a campus-wide debate that led to the creation of a 'Gym Meter' to measure how much students complain about gym fees versus how often they actually use the gym. Spoiler: it was a total loss.. Fact: When they said 'the gym is a place for improvement,' they didn’t mean in the complaints department..
• Headline: Columbia to Build Its Controversial Gym on Campus. Impact: Duran-Reynals' research linking viruses to cancer opened a Pandora's box of conspiracy theories, leading some to believe that viruses were secretly plotting world domination through cancer. Spoiler: they weren't.. Fact: The connection between viruses and cancer is so profound that it led to several medical dramas on TV, where doctors dramatically reveal the truth in the last five minutes..
• Headline: Seminar Honors Cancer‐Virus Pioneer. Impact: The failure to pass bridge toll bills in Albany led to an unexpected surge in public transport use, which ultimately inspired a new trend: 'Commuting Yoga' where people practiced yoga on crowded subway cars.. Fact: Albany's bridge toll debates were so riveting that they got a higher viewership than most reality shows. Who knew people loved toll disputes?.
• Headline: BRIDGE TOLL BILLS BEATEN IN ALBANY; FARE HELD PERILED.