MAY 5, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lugar Secures Nomination in Indianapolis. Impact: Mayor Lugar's victory led to an unintentional chain reaction of mayors across the country thinking they could actually keep their jobs, resulting in an unprecedented number of 'mayor appreciation days'—which ironically just turned into days for free donuts and political selfies.. Fact: Did you know Lugar’s first name is Richard? Because who doesn’t want to be known as Dick Lugar in history?.
• Headline: Senators Seek China Visas Amid Controversy. Impact: The senators' visa scramble led to a secret pact with China, resulting in a bizarre exchange program where politicians come back with strange souvenirs—like a deep appreciation for dumplings and the ability to perform karaoke in Mandarin.. Fact: Fun fact: Nixon was actually a decent singer; too bad he never got to showcase that talent at a karaoke night!.
• Headline: Panther Is Released Because of Wiretap. Impact: The dismissal of charges against Hilliard created a precedent that led to a series of bizarre courtroom dramas where wiretaps became the go-to plot twist, inspiring a generation of legal thrillers and a brief but regrettable trend of people trying to eavesdrop on their neighbors' Wi-Fi.. Fact: Interestingly, wiretaps are not just for catching criminals; they’re also great for finding out if your friends really do talk behind your back!.
• Headline: Taiwanese Admits Attempt To Murder Chiang's Son. Impact: The murder attempt on Chiang's son sparked years of political intrigue, leading to an underground network of amateur assassins who thought they could become the next big name in political infamy—spoiler alert: they did not.. Fact: P. Huang's life may have changed drastically, but it definitely wasn't the worst career move; just ask anyone who tried to start a podcast in 2020..
• Headline: Curb on Liquor Discounts Is Approved by Governor. Impact: Governor Rockefeller's liquor pricing law inadvertently led to a black market for discounted alcohol, resulting in a slew of shady deals in back alleys that would make even the most seasoned mobster raise an eyebrow and say, 'This is just sad, guys.'. Fact: Did you know that Rockefeller had a reputation for his love of fine whiskey? Talk about making a law that even he probably didn’t follow!.
• Headline: 2,680 More Demonstrators Arrested in Washington. Impact: The mass arrests during the antiwar protests led to a new trend of peaceful protests where people learned that holding signs and chanting could be done without getting arrested—unless you counted the occasional 'too loud' warning from local authorities.. Fact: Fun fact: The 2-day total of over 9,500 arrests is still less than the number of people who 'attended' that one infamous Fyre Festival!.
• Headline: Bandit Flees Commandeered Truck in a Traffic Jam. Impact: The bandit's escape in a traffic jam became the stuff of legend, leading to a new crime genre where would-be criminals started plotting their heists around rush hour traffic—because nothing screams 'master criminal' like getting stuck in gridlock.. Fact: Did you know that traffic jams have been known to cause more frustration than a thousand bad decisions? Just ask anyone who’s ever sat in one for more than an hour!.
• Headline: Thaw Is Mild So Far. Impact: The thawing of Chinese-US ties became a catalyst for the creation of fusion cuisine, resulting in a wave of Chinese-American restaurants where egg rolls met burgers, and fortune cookies started dispensing life advice like, 'You should really call your mother more often.'. Fact: Fun fact: The first fortune cookie was actually invented in California, proving that even culinary inventions can be full of themselves!.
• Headline: Hostos College Appoints Puerto Rican Acting Head. Impact: The appointment of Aponte set a precedent for diversity in educational leadership, leading to a slew of 'firsts' in various institutions and inspiring a wave of inspirational quotes on LinkedIn that no one reads.. Fact: Did you know that Aponte’s appointment was celebrated with a campus-wide taco party? Because nothing says 'new leadership' like a good taco!.