APRIL 9, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Media's Impact on the Calley Case. Impact: If only the media had kept their mouths shut, perhaps the Calley case would have turned into a delightful footnote in history. Instead, we've got conspiracy theorists convinced that the truth is out there, hidden behind layers of sensationalism and cover-ups. Thanks, media!. Fact: J. Burnham's comments were the precursor to our modern obsession with media distortion, which eventually led to reality TV. So, thank you, Calley case, for paving the way for the Kardashians!.
• Headline: Venable Resignation Shakes Minority Business Office. Impact: The resignation of A Venable set off a chain reaction leading to more bureaucratic reshuffling. Fast forward a few decades, and now we have entire government agencies dedicated to finding someone to fill the role of someone who quit because they couldn't handle the paperwork.. Fact: A Venable's resignation is a classic case of 'out of sight, out of mind' in the world of government positions. They say the Office of Minority Business Enterprise is still looking for a permanent director—better luck next time!.
• Headline: Post Office Creates New Security Force. Impact: This new security force will single-handedly prevent the next major heist at the post office. Or not. Either way, it likely resulted in a few more government employees getting paid to stand around and look serious.. Fact: The post office has always been a hotbed for intense security measures. I mean, have you seen how competitive the mail carriers get during holiday season? It's practically a war zone!.
• Headline: WHITE HOUSE VIEW OF WIRETAP RIGHT DENIED ON APPEAL. Impact: This ruling against Nixon's wiretap claims may have temporarily halted a police state, but it also led to the invention of the 'secretive whisper'—a technique used by politicians ever since to dodge accountability.. Fact: This ruling was a testament to the Constitution actually making sense for once. Who knew that the founding fathers were against eavesdropping? Next thing you know, they'll be saying we shouldn't be surveilling cats on the internet!.
• Headline: Decision on Shoe Imports Is Deferred by President. Impact: By deferring the decision on shoe imports, President Nixon inadvertently delayed the rise of fashionable footwear in America. The 70s could have been filled with platform shoes years earlier, but alas, we were left with the drab options of the late 60s.. Fact: Shoe imports may sound boring, but think about it—without the right footwear, how would we have ever survived the 70s disco craze? The real tragedy here is the missed opportunity for sequined sneakers!.
• Headline: Plan for Domed Stadium Stirs New Orleans Resistance. Impact: The resistance to the domed stadium sparked a series of urban planning debates that led to city planners becoming the ultimate drama queens. Fast forward, and we have countless cities stuck with regretful architectural decisions.. Fact: A $150-million stadium? That's a drop in the bucket compared to what cities spend on coffee shops. Priorities, people, priorities!.
• Headline: Blame for Kent State Violence Is Divided in a Minority Report. Impact: The divided blame for Kent State violence would go on to fuel generations of discussions about accountability in government and law enforcement, ultimately leading to an endless cycle of finger-pointing and zero consequences. Hooray for democracy!. Fact: Kent State is a dark chapter in American history. But the fact that blame was divided? It’s just like corporate meetings where everyone is responsible, and yet no one is accountable..