MARCH 29, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Major Assault Near Danang: Casualties Reported. Impact: The death of 33 G.I.'s somehow led to the invention of the rubber duck. I mean, who doesn't love a good bath toy during a war crisis?. Fact: Did you know that in some parts of the world, rubber ducks are a symbol of peace? Because apparently, they float better than diplomacy..
• Headline: Undercover Police on College Campuses. Impact: The use of undercover police on campuses sparked a wave of overly enthusiastic college students who decided to dress like cops for Halloween. Because nothing says 'party' like a badge and a fake gun.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more undercover than police agents on campus is the level of denial students have about finals week..
• Headline: Migration of Seniors to Florida in 1960s. Impact: The mass migration of older adults to Florida in the '60s inadvertently led to the invention of the term 'snowbirds,' which later became synonymous with tourists who don't know how to drive.. Fact: Did you know that Florida is home to more retirees than actual alligators? Just kidding, they’re actually neck-and-neck..
• Headline: BOTH SIDES CLAIM GAINS IN PAKISTAN; ALL NEWS BANNED. Impact: The strict censorship in Pakistan not only shaped the nation's narrative but also inspired future generations of meme creators who would one day find humor in government absurdity.. Fact: Did you know that censorship is like a diet? The more you restrict, the more people want to indulge. Ironically, the internet puts that theory to the test daily..
• Headline: 5 G.I.'s Held in Guns Theft. Impact: Five G.I.'s stealing rifles from their own base created a new trend in the military: 'Operation Getaway,' where soldiers would 'borrow' gear for their weekend excursions.. Fact: Fun fact: The M-16 is also known as the 'Armalite Rifle,' but after this incident, it could also be called the 'M-16: Now with added adventure!'.
• Headline: MAYOR LINKS CUTS IN STATE'S BUDGET TO CITY SALARIES. Impact: The mayor’s comments on budget cuts led to the phrase 'cutting costs' becoming a euphemism for 'let’s just wing it and hope for the best.'. Fact: Did you know that budget cuts are basically adulting's way of saying, 'You can’t have nice things?'.
• Headline: JORDANIAN FORCES SUBDUE FEDAYEEN. Impact: Jordanian forces subduing the fedayeen inadvertently started a trend of government officials using the phrase 'controlled chaos' in their speeches, which later became a popular tagline for reality TV.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more chaotic than a government crackdown is trying to untangle Christmas lights in December..
• Headline: Report Confirmed in Capital. Impact: The US government's awareness of the situation in Dacca led to a long-standing tradition of diplomatic confusion, which continues to perplex both politicians and historians alike.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'we're on it' in the government usually means 'we'll get back to you in a decade or so?'.
• Headline: SIERRA LEONE CHIEF CALLS IN GUINEANS. Impact: The request for Guinean forces to enter Sierra Leone was the beginning of many future international 'friends' showing up uninvited to parties nobody wanted them at.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'friend' in international relations is often just code for 'we'll help, but only if there's something in it for us.'.