MARCH 10, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Dr. Barry Wood's Legacy. Impact: Dr. Barry Wood's untimely departure not only left a gaping hole in the world of medicine, but it also triggered a nationwide shortage of puns about doctors named Wood. This led to a series of unfortunate events where humorless comedians had to rely on knock-knock jokes instead.. Fact: Dr. Barry Wood was a pioneer in his field, but I guess the real question is, did he ever take a 'wooden' stake through the heart of bad medical practices?.
• Headline: Oil Companies Await Libya's Decision. Impact: The West's oilmen anxiously waiting for a Libyan decision inadvertently caused a global shortage of patience. As they sat on the edge of their seats, the world learned that oil prices weren’t the only thing that could rise dramatically.. Fact: If only oilmen spent as much time negotiating peace as they do with Libya, we might actually have a world that's more than just 'crude.'.
• Headline: Viva and Two Arrested in NYC Incident. Impact: Viva's arrest sparked an underground movement that fundamentally changed the perception of disorderly conduct. It encouraged countless aspiring artists to embrace chaos, leading to a renaissance of rebellious creativity—thank you, police!. Fact: Viva’s full name is actually V. Auden, but I guess ‘Viva’ has a bit more flair when you’re being arrested, huh?.
• Headline: Trudeau Back in Ottawa After Skiing Honeymoon. Impact: Trudeau's return from his skiing honeymoon ignited an avalanche of public interest in politicians' vacations. Soon after, politicians across the globe began to develop elaborate excuses for 'business trips' to tropical locations.. Fact: Trudeau may have been welcomed back warmly, but little did the public know, his ski skills were about as good as his ability to dodge tough questions!.
• Headline: Israeli President Given Honor Here by Yeshiva U.. Impact: Yeshiva University giving an honorary degree to Israeli President Shazar created a ripple effect that encouraged more honorary degrees handed out like candy at a parade. This eventually led to the phenomenon of 'Degree Inflation' where everyone from your local barista to your pet goldfish could claim to be 'Dr.' something.. Fact: Honorary degrees: because sometimes, you just really want to be recognized for showing up with a good story..
• Headline: Aide to Mitchell Opposes Any Curb on Surveillance. Impact: Rehnquist's opposition to curbing surveillance set off a chain reaction that would later inspire the catchphrase 'Big Brother is watching you.' This not only made people paranoid but also led to the rise of privacy-focused tech companies that are now probably spying on you too!. Fact: The irony is that while Rehnquist was all for surveillance, he probably didn’t foresee that his own search history would one day be as questionable as his stance on privacy..
• Headline: Washington: For the Record. Impact: Nixon meeting with astronauts who toured campuses created a minor ripple in educational enthusiasm, causing a brief surge in students aspiring to be astronauts. Unfortunately, most of them couldn't get past the math requirement.. Fact: The only thing more inflated than the astronauts’ egos was the tuition for aspiring space cadets at that time..
• Headline: Rogers Suggests Moscow Reduce Forces in Egypt. Impact: Rogers’ suggestion for Moscow to reduce forces in Egypt sent shockwaves through the political landscape. It inspired a series of diplomatic discussions that led to the phrase 'let’s just chill out' becoming a common diplomatic strategy for years to come.. Fact: If only the Cold War could have been resolved with a simple group hug, we’d have a lot fewer history classes to teach!.
• Headline: Peter Basquin Shows Poise in Piano Debut Here. Impact: Peter Basquin’s piano debut not only showcased his talent but also set off a chain reaction of aspiring musicians who thought they could impress people with a few keys. Spoiler: most of them couldn't even play 'Chopsticks' correctly.. Fact: Basquin’s poise was so impeccable that even the piano itself probably felt intimidated to make a sound!.
• Headline: Quake Shakes Monterey. Impact: The quake shaking Monterey was just the earth's way of reminding everyone that Mother Nature is still the ultimate influencer. It sent a wave of people running for cover, which ironically led to a spike in home insurance sales in the area—thanks, geology!. Fact: The only thing more unsettling than a quake is the realization that your house might not be as sturdy as you thought. Better call that insurance agent!.