FEBRUARY 17, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Youth Drug Sellers and Their Origins. Impact: This headline led to a mysterious surge in 'youth entrepreneurship' classes that somehow only taught the fine art of rolling and dealing, thus creating a new generation of 'business professionals' who later turned into motivational speakers on the topic of 'living your best life.'. Fact: Did you know that the first recorded use of marijuana dates back to 500 BC in China? Clearly, some things never change, like people finding creative ways to sell it!.
• Headline: Natural Gas Explosion Shakes Los Angeles Coast. Impact: This explosion was the catalyst for a new national safety campaign, which led to the invention of the inflatable building - a concept that never caught on but was great for insurance companies. Fact: Did you know that natural gas can be highly explosive? It’s almost like they didn’t read the label on the canister!.
• Headline: Will Lindsay Switch?. Impact: Lindsay's indecision sparked a chain reaction of political flip-flopping that somehow led to the invention of the phrase 'I’m not a politician, I’m just a concerned citizen,' which is now used by countless people who have never run for office. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more uncertain than a politician's stance is the weather? Just ask any meteorologist!.
• Headline: Extension of I.O.S. Loan Of $5‐Million Is Weighed. Impact: The loan extension discussions led to a nationwide trend of companies extending loans to questionable businesses, which ultimately resulted in the financial crisis of 2008 - thanks, IOS!. Fact: Did you know that extending loans is like giving a kid more candy? Sometimes, it just leads to a sugar rush and a meltdown!.
• Headline: INDUSTRY OUTPUT ROSE IN JANUARY. Impact: The rise in industry output following the GM strike created a myth that productivity increases during worker unrest, leading to a series of motivational posters that read, 'Outrage = Output.'. Fact: Did you know that productivity sometimes rises in chaos? It’s almost like humans thrive on drama—who would have thought?.
• Headline: Democratic Hopefuls Woo Labor Council. Impact: The wooing of the labor council by Democratic hopefuls led to an awkward annual tradition where potential candidates would serenade labor leaders with off-key songs about worker rights, thus solidifying their place in cringe-worthy political history. Fact: Did you know that labor councils love a good song and dance? Too bad most politicians can’t carry a tune in a bucket!.
• Headline: A Colonel Is Given 3‐Year Drag Term. Impact: Colonel Kehrli's sentencing became a turning point in military policy, inspiring a new initiative to create safer drug education programs, which led to the creation of 'Marijuana Awareness Month' - celebrated by many with a more hands-on approach. Fact: Did you know that in some circles, marijuana is referred to as 'the gateway drug'? Looks like Kehrli took the express train through that gateway!.