FEBRUARY 13, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Villanova Sets Indoor Medley Record. Impact: Villanova's speedy medley performance inspired generations of over-caffeinated students to sprint to class, inadvertently creating an entire subculture of 'running late' athletes who could never seem to leave their dorms on time.. Fact: Did you know that the fastest medley is just a fancy way of saying, 'I really need to get my life together but here I am, running away from my responsibilities'?.
• Headline: University Announces Tuition Freeze. Impact: The university's decision not to raise tuition but sneakily increase room and board prices resulted in a nationwide trend of universities finding creative ways to charge more while pretending to be generous. Thanks for the loophole!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'tuition freeze' is just code for 'we're going to charge you more in other sneaky ways'?.
• Headline: Army Plans Raise For Combat Forces To Spur Volunteers. Impact: The Army's plan to raise pay for combat forces led to a wave of enlistments, and subsequently, an avalanche of 'I joined for the money' memes that still haunt military recruitment ads today.. Fact: Did you know that offering money to soldiers is a strategy as old as time? Just ask the Romans – they had a thing or two about paying for loyalty!.
• Headline: Maryland Aide Withholds Study of Rap Brown Charge. Impact: The withholding of the study regarding Rap Brown's indictment sparked outrage and conspiracy theories, leading to a future where every government report release was met with skepticism, and memes about 'the truth is out there' proliferated.. Fact: Did you know that delaying the release of information is a surefire way to make people think you're hiding aliens? Just ask the government!.
• Headline: OTTO J. MEIDENBAUER. Impact: Otto J. Meidenbauer's legacy remains a mystery, lost in the annals of time, but somewhere, a distant descendant is probably still trying to figure out who he was and why he didn't have his own Wikipedia page.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes, even the most ordinary names can lead to the most extraordinary rabbit holes in genealogy? Good luck, future historians!.
• Headline: MRS. ABZUG OPENS A DISTRICT OFFICE. Impact: Mrs. Abzug's district office opening created a ripple of increased political engagement, eventually leading to a trend of politicians opening offices in the most bizarre locations – think taco trucks and escape rooms.. Fact: Did you know that opening a district office is practically a rite of passage for politicians? Next up, they'll be hosting meet-and-greets in laundromats!.
• Headline: SUBURB HOUSING OPPOSED IN COURT. Impact: The court opposition to suburb housing set a precedent for future generations of homeowners to band together and form associations just to complain about lawn gnomes and the color of the neighbor's fence.. Fact: Did you know that fighting against low-income housing can often lead to a neighborhood's most prestigious title: 'Most Likely to Be Out of Touch with Reality'?.
• Headline: BUCHANAN KEEPS CROWN ON COAST. Impact: K Buchanan's lightweight title defense not only kept her crown but also inspired future generations of athletes to believe that even if you're light on weight, you can still pack a punch – both in sports and in life.. Fact: Did you know that lightweight boxing champions often have the best stories? They can knock you out with their words just as easily as with their fists!.