FEBRUARY 1, 1971

Full News Archive

• Headline: Midwest Virtues Highlighted by A M Landon. Impact: This article praising the Midwest led to a mass exodus of hipsters to Kansas in the 21st century, yearning for authentic 'plain talk' and artisanal corn.. Fact: Did you know that the Midwest is often referred to as America’s heartland? Perhaps that’s why they’re always beating around the bush..
• Headline: Sanitation Trucks Safety Inspections Begin. Impact: The decision to cut garbage pickups led to an unexpected increase in urban wildlife populations, as raccoons became the unofficial garbage disposal experts of the city.. Fact: Fun fact: Raccoons can remember solutions to tasks for at least three years. So, they’re probably better at problem-solving than your average city official..
• Headline: 300 Routed by Flood. Impact: The flood in Bellington served as a warning to future generations about climate change, but instead, it just turned into an annual 'who can build the highest sandbag wall' contest.. Fact: Flooding has been a persistent issue in Washington; some say it’s just the land’s way of reminding everyone it’s tired of being a rainy day..
• Headline: Gift of Townhouse to City Stirs Fight. Impact: The controversy over the townhouse gift sparked a nationwide debate about urban development, leading to the invention of the phrase, 'It’s not about the gift, it’s about the drama.'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'there's no such thing as a free lunch' originally comes from the same energy as people fighting over a free townhouse?.
• Headline: Eban Reports to Cabinet. Impact: Eban's reports to the Cabinet somehow resulted in a centuries-long tradition of bureaucratic meetings that continue to waste time and paper, spawning the phrase 'let's table that for now.'. Fact: In case you didn't know, the term 'table' in meetings means to put something off indefinitely, which is usually code for 'we'll never discuss this again.'.
• Headline: London Warned of Flood. Impact: London's flood warnings led to the establishment of an entire industry focused on flood prevention, only for the Thames to rise and say, 'Nice try, but I’ll always come back.'. Fact: Fun fact: The Thames has a long history of flooding, but do you think it's ever considered the feelings of the people living along its banks? Probably not..
• Headline: Egyptian Cabinet Meets. Impact: The UAR Cabinet meeting discussing the cease-fire likely resulted in a long line of cease-fires that went about as well as a cat trying to take a bath.. Fact: Did you know that cease-fires are basically the diplomatic equivalent of saying 'let's not fight for five minutes'—highly ambitious and rarely successful..
• Headline: ISRAELIS REPORT RAIDS IN LEBANON. Impact: The Israeli raids in Lebanon escalated tensions in the region, ultimately resulting in a series of 'I told you so' moments for future historians, who got really tired of saying it.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'guerrilla warfare' comes from the Spanish word for 'little war.' So, in a way, it’s just a really intense game of tag..
• Headline: California G.O.P. Hails Decision on Poverty Issue. Impact: California G.O.P.'s decision to hail Nixon's record on poverty inadvertently led to the rise of avocado toast, as young people sought to feel better about their socioeconomic status.. Fact: Did you know that Ronald Reagan was once an actor? Maybe if he'd stuck to Hollywood, he could've saved us all from the political drama!.