DECEMBER 20, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Springer Spaniel Triumphs at Philadelphia Show. Impact: This event sparked a series of dog shows where every pup suddenly thought they were the reincarnation of royalty. Expect future canine revolts demanding better treats and more screen time.. Fact: Did you know that some dogs are more photogenic than most politicians? Maybe we should consider a canine as the next presidential candidate..
• Headline: Mansfield's Stand on Ground Troop Restrictions. Impact: Mansfield's criticism of the Sen-HR conferees might have been the catalyst for an endless cycle of Congress members arguing over ground troops. Spoiler alert: They still haven’t figured it out.. Fact: Did you know that Congress has held more lengthy debates than anyone has held on what to order for lunch? Yet somehow, the lunch usually ends up being cold..
• Headline: ‘Why I Took My Leap to Freedom’. Impact: This individual's defection from the Kirov Ballet inspired countless others to pursue their passions, leading to a global movement of spontaneous pirouettes in offices everywhere. Who knew freedom could be so... graceful?. Fact: Did you know that ballet dancers can jump higher than most politicians can jump to conclusions? It's a tough act to follow..
• Headline: TAIPEI IS PLANNING U.N. POLICY REVIEW. Impact: Taipei's policy review set off a series of diplomatic victories that gave rise to the phrase 'every little bit helps'—a mantra that still echoes in UN halls, often drowned out by the sound of crickets.. Fact: Did you know that reviewing policies is just another way of saying 'let’s procrastinate on making a decision'?.
• Headline: U.N. Progress in Sea and Air. Impact: The unexpected resumption of peace talks marked a turning point that led to the creation of the 'peaceful negotiation dance'—a method that, while not always effective, certainly entertained the masses.. Fact: Did you know that the UN has a better record of negotiating peace than most couples do negotiating dinner plans?.
• Headline: U.S. BUSINESS ROUNDUP. Impact: The optimistic economic predictions set a precedent for businesses to oversell their prospects. This trend continues today, where every startup claims to be the next big thing, just before they vanish into thin air.. Fact: Did you know that predicting economic growth is a bit like predicting the weather? It’s often wrong, but everyone pretends to believe it anyway..