NOVEMBER 13, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Navy Embraces Cultural Change in Grooming. Impact: The Navy's decision to allow beards and beer led to the creation of a secret society known as 'Bearded Admirals for Rock,' influencing naval culture to the point where future generations of sailors would only communicate in sea shanties and heavy metal lyrics.. Fact: Because nothing says 'ready for battle' like a pint of ale and a good beard, right?.
• Headline: Budget Concerns Raised by Treasury Officials. Impact: This moment marked the beginning of a long tradition of government officials making vague statements about budgets, leading to the invention of the phrase 'just winging it'—now widely used in politics and everyday life.. Fact: Budgeting is just like dieting: everyone talks about it, but no one actually sticks to it!.
• Headline: Thoresen's Infamous Hotel Incident. Impact: This unfortunate incident sparked a nationwide conversation about domestic violence, leading to increased awareness and the eventual establishment of support systems for victims—a crucial step in addressing a long-standing societal issue.. Fact: It's amazing how some people think that throwing someone out a window is a valid method of resolving marital disputes. Spoiler alert: it’s not..
• Headline: Kent Case Prosecutor Says Jury Used F.B.I. Report. Impact: The revelation that a jury used an FBI report in their deliberations opened the floodgates for conspiracy theories about juries being secretly influenced by shadowy government agencies, leading to the rise of amateur sleuths who think they can solve crimes from their basements.. Fact: Fun fact: juries are not actually allowed to use psychic abilities during deliberations, despite what some may believe..
• Headline: Judge Orders Halt to Union Picketing. Impact: The judge's decision led to a temporary lull in protests, but ultimately inspired union members to create more creative ways to voice dissent, including interpretative dance and flash mobs—because who doesn’t want to see a union protest turned into a Broadway show?. Fact: Picketing is just a fancy way of saying 'we're really unhappy, but we’re too polite to throw things.'.
• Headline: CITY BETTING UNIT PLANS 2 SIDELINES. Impact: This move to offer betting advice inadvertently triggered a city-wide obsession with gambling strategies, resulting in a generation of citizens who believe they can outsmart the odds, leading to the founding of several questionable online betting schools.. Fact: Betting advice is like diet advice: everyone has their own 'surefire' method, and they’re all terrible..
• Headline: Modern Museum to Honor Hal Wallis in Film Series. Impact: The tribute to Hal Wallis ignited a revival of classic films, causing an unexpected surge in vintage fashion and home movie nights, leading to the rise of hipster culture decades ahead of schedule.. Fact: Hal Wallis is the only guy who can make watching old movies seem like a revolutionary act. Bravo!.
• Headline: Text of Guidelines for Tax‐Exempt Organizations. Impact: The release of these guidelines inadvertently led to a surge in the formation of 'nonprofits' that primarily existed to fund coffee breaks and pizza parties—because who doesn’t love a good tax write-off?. Fact: Tax-exempt organizations are like unicorns: everyone claims to have one, but only a few are actually doing something worthwhile..
• Headline: CIGARETTE CODE ON ADS DROPPED. Impact: The abandonment of the cigarette ad code paved the way for the era of flashy, unregulated marketing, leading to the birth of the 'smoke and mirrors' approach in advertising—literally and figuratively.. Fact: Cigarette ads are the only place where you’ll see health warnings in tiny print while the actual product is presented like it’s the best thing since sliced bread..
• Headline: WITNESS TESTIFIES MANSON BEAT HER. Impact: This testimony became a pivotal moment in revealing the dark side of Manson's influence, contributing to a greater understanding of the psychology behind cult behavior and the importance of survivor voices in justice.. Fact: Witness testimonies can be incredibly powerful, but sadly they don't come with a 'skip to the good part' feature..