OCTOBER 18, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Goodell Receives NY Times Endorsement. Impact: If Goodell had become a Senator, we might have seen the NFL's rules applied to Congressional procedures. Imagine filibusters replaced by 15-minute halftime shows. The Senate floor could have turned into a sports arena where bills were passed by touchdown instead of votes.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of politics, endorsements are the equivalent of a toddler giving a thumbs-up? They mean absolutely nothing unless you have a really cool toy—or in this case, a voter base..
• Headline: Dr. Rhoads Becomes College President. Impact: Dr. Rhoads taking the helm could have sparked a Renaissance in surgical techniques, leading to a bizarre future where surgeons perform operations via virtual reality while eating cheesesteaks. Who knew surgery could be a spectator sport?. Fact: Fun fact: The first successful heart transplant was performed in 1967, but if they had waited for Dr. Rhoads’s presidency, they might have just started doing it in their living rooms with a side of philly fries..
• Headline: Exploring Proxmire's Unique Illustrations. Impact: This headline probably heralded the start of every modern debate ever, where everyone has a 'point of view' but few have any facts. Welcome to the age of social media arguments!. Fact: Did you know that 'POINT OF VIEW' is often mistaken for 'I have an opinion that I will defend vigorously even if it’s based on nothing but my gut feeling'?.
• Headline: At Last, an Imaginative Mind. Impact: W Kerr’s revelation might have sparked the idea that imagination could actually be useful in politics, leading to a series of whimsical policy proposals like mandatory naptime for all congress members.. Fact: Fun fact: Imagination is often underrated, much like that one friend who shows up to parties with board games no one wants to play..
• Headline: Oil Produced Off Indonesia. Impact: This event could have been the catalyst for the modern-day oil rush, leading to the rise of oil tycoons obsessed with luxury yachts and questionable fashion choices. The butterfly effect here means more 'rich guy' movies starring dudes in Hawaiian shirts.. Fact: Did you know that oil is often referred to as 'black gold'? It's funny how something so valuable was once just a gooey mess in the ground. Kind of like your high school report card..
• Headline: MADISON AVE.. Impact: If cable TV had truly taken off as an ad medium back then, we might have witnessed a world where every infomercial was a primetime event, and the biggest stars were people selling vacuum cleaners.. Fact: Did you know that Madison Avenue is known as the heart of the advertising industry? It's basically where dreams go to be sold for a price, and that price is usually your sanity..
• Headline: Tattersalls Yearling Sales Set Record of $4.6‐Million. Impact: This event likely led to an explosion of equine celebrities, where racehorses became the Kardashians of their day. We might have even seen reality shows featuring horses with dramatic backstories.. Fact: Fun fact: Horses have been known to sell for millions, which makes you wonder if they have agents and if they negotiate their contracts over hay..
• Headline: The War Of the Cops. Impact: This headline suggests a significant shift in police-community relations, possibly leading to the development of 'Cops: The Musical' where tensions are resolved with show tunes and dance-offs.. Fact: In the context of this headline, it’s important to remember that historical tensions often lead to real reforms, which sometimes take longer than a snail’s race at a glue factory..
• Headline: The Diary of Samuel Pepys. Impact: Pepys’ diary has been a treasure trove of insights into 17th-century life. If he hadn’t written it, we might be left wondering if the Great Fire of London was just a big bonfire party that got out of hand.. Fact: Did you know Pepys wrote about the Great Plague, the Great Fire, and even his personal life? Talk about multitasking—he was basically the original social media influencer, just with quills and ink..
• Headline: Mrs. Gandhi Permits a State Self‐Rule. Impact: This decision may have sparked a wave of democratic movements across the globe, leading to a series of revolutions where everyone suddenly decided they wanted to be in charge of their own affairs—because who doesn’t want to take a shot at governing?. Fact: Mrs. Gandhi's decisions were often met with mixed reactions, proving that sometimes, even historical figures can't please everyone. Just like that time you tried to make a group decision on where to eat..