OCTOBER 16, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reggio Barricades Broken by Police. Impact: This event caused a butterfly to flap its wings in a way that led to a global fascination with barricade architecture, inspiring future protests to become somewhat more stylish. Fact: Fun fact: Barricades are just urban furniture that people really, really don’t want to sit on.
• Headline: Lebanon Ends Censorship. Impact: The end of censorship led to a global wave of transparency, causing quite a few governments to reconsider their own policies—resulting in the short-lived fad of 'honest politicians' that left many wondering, 'What are they up to?'. Fact: In Lebanon, ending censorship is like saying you can finally watch a movie without fast-forwarding through the boring parts!.
• Headline: New Picasso Drawings On View for First Time. Impact: The unveiling of these drawings caused a massive influx of confused art critics, leading to the widespread belief that if you squint hard enough, anything can be considered art—including your pet goldfish. Fact: Did you know Picasso once said, 'Every child is an artist'? Too bad they never learned to keep their crayon drawings off the walls.
• Headline: Sonmy Trial Is Snarled by House Panel's Refusal to Divulge 4 Men's Testimony. Impact: This trial became the catalyst for future trials, where juries began to demand to know everything, leading to a bizarre trend of jurors asking witnesses for their social media passwords. Fact: The Sonmy incident is a dark chapter in history, reminding us that sometimes the truth is more complicated than a soap opera plot twist.
• Headline: Reagan Praises Buckley. Impact: Reagan’s endorsement created a ripple in conservative circles, sparking a decade-long trend of politicians trying to outdo each other with compliments—resulting in the first-ever Politician Compliment Contest in 1984. Fact: Did you know that in politics, a compliment is just a strategic way of saying, 'I will remember this when I need your vote?'.
• Headline: NIXON SIGNS BILL TO COMBAT CRIME. Impact: This bill started a chain reaction that led to an explosion of crime shows in the 80s, where every criminal mastermind was just one poorly-timed sneeze away from being caught. Fact: Nixon signing a crime bill is like a cat adopting a mouse; it raises some serious questions about intentions.
• Headline: Orioles Crush Reds, 9‐3, And Take World Series. Impact: This victory inspired a generation of fans to believe that crushing your rivals is not only acceptable but also a solid strategy for group projects. Fact: Did you know that baseball is the only sport where you can ‘crush’ your opponent and still call it a ‘game’?.
• Headline: COMSAT, A.T.H. PLANNEW SYSTER. Impact: The planned telecommunications system resulted in a bizarre reality where people began to think that talking to satellites was a totally normal thing, paving the way for future generations to blame their bad reception on alien invasion. Fact: Funny enough, every time you drop a call, a satellite somewhere is rolling its eyes!.