OCTOBER 13, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Breakdown in U.S. Civil Rights Enforcement. Impact: The breakdown in civil rights enforcement led to a chain reaction of apathy that caused a generation of bureaucrats to think that ignoring civil rights was a viable career strategy. Thanks, Civil Rights Commission!. Fact: Did you know that ignoring civil rights is the historical equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears and yelling 'la la la'? Effective, right?.
• Headline: Sadat's Bold Stand Against U.S. Pressure. Impact: Sadat's criticism of U.S. pressure tactics may have inspired future leaders to adopt the very same tactics, creating a delightful cycle of passive-aggressive diplomacy. Who doesn't love a good vacuum?. Fact: Fun fact: 'Pressure tactics' is just a fancier way of saying, 'Hey, can you please do what we want or else?'.
• Headline: Quebec Hostage Crisis Appeals. Impact: The hostage situation in Quebec sparked a wave of sympathy protests across the globe, leading to the creation of 'Hostage Awareness Day'—a holiday no one asked for but everyone pretends to observe.. Fact: Here's a gem: 'Hostage Awareness Day' is celebrated by doing absolutely nothing; it's a real crowd-pleaser!.
• Headline: Rails and Unions Extend Strike Deadline to Dec, 4. Impact: The extended strike deadline led to an unforeseen increase in office coffee consumption as negotiators pondered their life choices. Who knew a wage dispute could fuel caffeine addiction?. Fact: Pro tip: When in doubt, make coffee. It's the unofficial fuel of labor negotiations since time immemorial!.
• Headline: Quebec Front's Intermediary. Impact: Lemieux's career sketch became a blueprint for future intermediaries, leading to a dramatic increase in the number of people trying to mediate conflicts while secretly hoping someone else does the hard work. Genius!. Fact: Spoiler alert: Most intermediaries are just really good at nodding and saying, 'I understand your feelings.'.
• Headline: EL AL GROUNDS PILOT IN HIJACKING DISPUTE. Impact: The grounding of pilots during a hijacking dispute inadvertently led to the invention of new airline security protocols, including 'don't let anyone with a suspicious looking mustache on board.'. Fact: Did you know that 'grounded pilots' was a euphemism for 'we're all just pretending this is fine until someone else fixes it'?.
• Headline: 300 GAP. LEADERS AT GOODELL FETE. Impact: The fundraising dinner for Goodell inadvertently led to the rise of political fundraisers as the elite's favorite social event, proving once again that money talks and good intentions walk.. Fact: Fun fact: Fundraising dinners are where politicians learn that the best way to win votes is to serve really good hors d'oeuvres..
• Headline: Women Given Role In Episcopal Policy. Impact: The Episcopal decision to include women as fully accredited deputies was a revolutionary act that rippled through time, eventually leading to 'Women in Everything' campaigns. Thanks for the future, 1970s!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'women in leadership' was once met with confused looks? Now it’s just a given. Progress!.
• Headline: 2 Job Protests at U.N.. Impact: The job protests at the U.N. opened the floodgates for future 'sick days' to be used as a strategic negotiation tactic, leading to a culture of creative excuses that would have even the best writers envious.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'sick day' was once just a day off, but now it’s a carefully crafted art form..