AUGUST 29, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Passing of Lewis Hand Morris. Impact: The untimely demise of Lewis Hand Morris led to a chain reaction where his family's legacy was questioned, resulting in a dramatic decline in Morris-related entitlements. The family's subsequent scramble to maintain their status led to a series of bizarre genealogical experiments, ultimately giving rise to the Morris Family Reunion Survival Guide—a bestseller in the 90s.. Fact: Fun fact: The Morris family has since become known for their elaborate family reunions, which are now more like competitive reality shows than gatherings..
• Headline: School Bombings Spark Education Boycotts. Impact: The blasts triggered a nationwide debate on school safety, eventually leading to the invention of the inflatable classroom. This revolutionary concept promised to keep kids safe and entertained, until a particularly rambunctious class turned one into a battle arena for dodgeball.. Fact: Despite the explosions, no children were harmed, but the school did temporarily lose its status as a 'calm learning environment.'.
• Headline: Brominated Vegetable Oil Reinstated by FDA. Impact: Brominated vegetable oil's temporary stay of execution caused a surge in fizzy drink consumption, leading to a generation of soda lovers who succumbed to bizarre cravings. This obsession eventually inspired the creation of the now-legendary 'Drink It Like You Stole It' festival.. Fact: BVO is often used for its emulsifying properties, but if you think about it, it's basically the glue holding your soda dreams together!.
• Headline: U.S. Lifts Ban on Sale of Oil To Ships Bound for China. Impact: The lifting of this ban inadvertently led to the rise of 'Oil Tycoon' as a popular board game in the 80s, where players could simulate the cutthroat world of fuel diplomacy—complete with a chance to sabotage your friends!. Fact: A fun fact: This decision was so pivotal it was later referenced in a blockbuster movie, 'Fast & Furious: Oil Boogaloo.'.
• Headline: Thailand Says She'll Withdraw All 11,000 Soldiers in Vietnam. Impact: The withdrawal instigated a series of diplomatic maneuvers that ultimately resulted in Thailand's newfound expertise in vacation packages for war-torn areas, making them the go-to for post-conflict tourism.. Fact: It's said that Thailand’s decision to withdraw was influenced by a particularly persuasive travel brochure featuring pristine beaches and 'free from conflict' guarantees..
• Headline: P.B.A. Suggests Patrolmen Draw, Then Ask Questions. Impact: This recommendation led to a dramatic shift in policing tactics, where officers began to draw more often than they asked questions, resulting in a new genre of cop movies filled with dramatic standoffs and very little actual dialogue.. Fact: Despite the well-intentioned advice, many patrolmen just ended up drawing doodles in the margins of their reports..
• Headline: 26 Are Arrested In Suffolk In Two Narcotic Raids. Impact: The raids sparked a series of local anti-drug campaigns that unintentionally led to an increase in the popularity of herbal tea as the 'go-to' relaxation method, causing tea shops to pop up like mushrooms after rain.. Fact: Ironically, the tea craze didn't quite have the same kick as the narcotics, but it did lead to some very zen public parks..
• Headline: Youth Arrested in Omaha In Slaying of a Policeman. Impact: The tragic loss of the officer prompted a nationwide rallying cry for police reform, ultimately leading to the establishment of community policing initiatives that aimed to foster better relationships between law enforcement and citizens.. Fact: This event was a stark reminder of the risks law enforcement faces daily, which led to an increased public appreciation for their service—at least until the next scandal broke..
• Headline: Clingan Criticizes Liberal For Women's Rights View. Impact: Clingan's critique inadvertently inspired a wave of feminist activism that resulted in the creation of a popular podcast series titled 'Neanderthal No More,' which humorously explored outdated views while bringing awareness to modern women’s issues.. Fact: This podcast became so popular that it even spawned a line of merchandise featuring the slogan, 'Evolve or Get Out of the Way!'.
• Headline: Cabbies Mass to Mourn a Slain Driver. Impact: The gathering of cabbies not only highlighted the dangers of their profession but also sparked a movement for better driver protection laws, leading to the introduction of safety measures that would later be adopted by Uber and Lyft—because nothing says 'we care' like a safety app.. Fact: Cabbies have since become known for their uncanny ability to unite over a shared cause, proving that when it comes to solidarity, no one can honk their way to justice quite like they can..