JULY 16, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brazilian Police Foil Hijacking Attempt. Impact: Had the hijacking succeeded, we might all be forced to wear life jackets at the beach due to a newfound fear of flying watercraft. You know, just in case the next cruise turns into a hostage situation!. Fact: Brazil is home to the Amazon Rainforest, which ironically has more trees than people—unlike the hijacker who clearly needed a better plan..
• Headline: Army Investigation into Songmy Incident Stalled. Impact: This event led to an endless cycle of military cover-ups and congressional investigations, eventually resulting in the phrase 'I can't recall' becoming the most popular excuse in politics.. Fact: The Songmy incident is now a prime example of how not to conduct a military operation—right up there with 'let's invade during a parade.'.
• Headline: Britain and France Coordinate Peace Efforts. Impact: This meeting marked the beginning of Britain and France's ongoing relationship as the couple who can't decide whether they're breaking up or planning a romantic getaway.. Fact: Jarring isn't just a last name; it’s what most people feel when they hear about peace initiatives that never lead anywhere..
• Headline: Belgrade's Ties With Peking Improve. Impact: Improved relations led to a cultural exchange that eventually resulted in the world’s first Yugoslav-Chinese fusion restaurant—serving dumplings with a side of bureaucracy.. Fact: The only thing more complicated than international relations is trying to pronounce 'Peking' without sounding outdated..
• Headline: Lutherans Hear Cardinal; Joint Unity Effort Is Asked. Impact: The call for unity between Lutherans and Catholics initiated a series of interfaith dialogues that would eventually lead to the 'Holy Coffee Break'—a sacred time for all religions to just chill out with a cup of joe.. Fact: Cardinal Willebrands was the first high-ranking Catholic to speak at an assembly, proving that sometimes, all you need is a microphone and good intentions..
• Headline: ALASKAN NATIVES VOTED $1‐BILLION BY SENATE, 76‐8. Impact: The billion-dollar compensation bill led to a newfound appreciation for native land rights, igniting movements that would eventually make 'land acknowledgment' a popular phrase at corporate retreats.. Fact: The 1867 purchase of Alaska from Russia is often referred to as 'Seward’s Folly'—but I'm pretty sure it was just a really expensive real estate investment gone wrong..
• Headline: Cincinnati Disputes Census. Impact: Cincinnati's insistence on recounting the census led to an ongoing debate about population accuracy, inspiring future generations to take a closer look at their own math skills—or lack thereof.. Fact: Census disputes are like family reunions; everyone argues about who’s actually there and who isn’t, but nobody seems to care about the actual numbers..
• Headline: Auto Union Opens Bargaining with Anti‐Inflation Plea. Impact: The auto union’s bargaining efforts would mark the beginning of the era where workers started demanding more than just a paycheck—like actual respect and good coffee in the break room.. Fact: The UAW's plea for a noninflationary settlement sounds great, but let’s be honest: it's just a fancy way of asking for a raise without causing a riot..
• Headline: City Bids Landlords Defy Their Leadership in Strike. Impact: This statement from the city prompted landlords to step up their game, eventually leading to the rise of tenant rights advocacy, because who doesn’t love a good underdog story?. Fact: The Lindsay Administration's idea to restore essential services is like trying to fix a leaky roof with duct tape—good luck with that!.