JULY 2, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discriminatory Selection at Girls Nation. Impact: The exclusion of V L Miles from the Girls Nation triggered a domino effect that led to an underground coalition of young girls who secretly campaigned for inclusivity, eventually resulting in the first Girls Nation where the theme was 'Everyone Gets a Seat (Unless You're a Boy)'.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Girls Nation' has nothing to do with actual nations and everything to do with making sure no one can ever agree on what flavor of ice cream to buy?.
• Headline: Detective's Alleged Theft During Investigation. Impact: The bribery scandal involving Detective Spina set off a series of events that inspired a popular TV show where detectives get rich by taking 'tips' from criminals – making crime look glamorous and entirely legal.. Fact: Did you know that in detective novels, envelopes filled with cash are always brown? It's a literary device to make them seem less suspicious. Who knew?.
• Headline: Washington: For the Record. Impact: The signing of the $18-billion ceiling bill inadvertently led to the rise of countless memes about government spending, culminating in the 'Throw Money at Problems' meme that swept social media decades later.. Fact: Did you know that $18 billion is just the amount of money congress spends on coffee per year? No wonder they need to raise ceilings!.
• Headline: CHECK‐THEFT RING REPORTED BROKEN. Impact: The breaking of the check-theft ring led to a sudden spike in the popularity of online banking, as people realized keeping money in digital form was safer than trusting it with the postal service – or their neighbors.. Fact: Fun fact: The stolen $500,000 in welfare checks was actually just the total amount spent on avocados that year. Who knew they were such a hot commodity?.
• Headline: Soviet Suggests New Plan To End Mideast Conflict. Impact: The Soviet proposal for a peace agreement sparked a 50-year debate on whether or not it was a serious suggestion or just a really bad pickup line at international diplomacy parties.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'let's settle this over coffee' has been used in diplomatic circles more than actual treaties? Clearly, caffeine fuels more than just conversations..
• Headline: One‐Man Grand Jury Studies Shootings by Connecticut Police. Impact: The investigation into the police shooting led to the creation of a new reality show titled 'One-Man Grand Jury', where one person gets to judge all the drama – ratings skyrocketed!. Fact: Did you know that being a one-man grand jury is much like being a judge on a reality show? You get to pick favorites, but no one gets a rose..
• Headline: New Chief of the Navy. Impact: Adm Zumwalt's swearing-in set off a series of naval fashion trends, with sailors adopting the 'Adm Zumwalt chic' look that included an oversized hat and a penchant for nautical puns.. Fact: Did you know that being the Chief of Naval Operations is just like being the CEO of a really big boat? All responsibilities and no fun!.
• Headline: JERSEY DETECTIVE NAMED IN BRIBERY. Impact: The bribery scandal in Hudson County inspired a new wave of crime dramas that glorified corrupt detectives, leading to a nationwide trend where everyone wanted to be the 'bad cop' for Halloween.. Fact: Fun fact: Bribery is the only job where you can literally pay for your mistakes. Who knew crime could be so convenient?.
• Headline: MAY SALES ROSE FOR CHAIN STORES. Impact: The rise in May sales for chain stores marked the beginning of the 'Retail Apocalypse', where small businesses began to close at an alarming rate, ultimately leading to the rise of the hipster café – because what's cooler than overpriced lattes?. Fact: Did you know that chain store sales are often just a cover for the secret meetings of the 'Retail Illuminati'? They meet in basements and drink organic kombucha..