JUNE 11, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Order for Rapid Phone Repairs. Impact: In a parallel universe, the swift repairs of payphones led to an unexpected boom in public phone box karaoke, which eventually sparked a global singing competition. Who knew a broken phone could lead to 'America's Got Talent'?. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends more time waiting for a payphone repair than they do on actual phone calls? Talk about priorities!.
• Headline: Reduced Phone Rate Increase Approved. Impact: The reduced phone rates caused a surge in late-night calls, leading to a nationwide obsession with prank calling. This ultimately resulted in the creation of a 'National Prank Call Day.' Who knew saving money could lead to such chaos?. Fact: Fun fact: If only people had known that cheaper phone rates would lead to more annoying prank calls, they might have just stuck with higher rates!.
• Headline: Escalating Tensions in Jordan's Guerrilla Movement. Impact: Habash's warning about a civil war in Jordan acted as a butterfly wing flap that ultimately led to a series of Middle Eastern conflicts, proving that sometimes, all it takes is a little hint of drama to set the world ablaze.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'civil war' has been used so often that it’s practically become a genre in itself? Coming soon to a history book near you!.
• Headline: Saigon Army Likely to Get Bigger Combat Role Soon. Impact: The increased combat role of the Saigon Army inadvertently led to the rise of the 'Saigon Shuffle,' a dance craze that took over Vietnam's nightlife. Because who doesn't want to bust a move while fighting a war?. Fact: Did you know that military planners often confuse troop deployments with dance competitions? Just kidding, but wouldn’t that make strategy meetings much more entertaining?.
• Headline: PROFESSIONS JOIN LOBBY FOR PEACE. Impact: The professions lobbying for peace inadvertently inspired a new trend in corporate social responsibility, leading to businesses pretending they care about world peace while still profiting from war. Bravo!. Fact: Did you know that lobbying for peace is often just code for 'let's keep our jobs while feeling good about ourselves'? Ah, the irony!.
• Headline: Petit Quits Paris Opera Ballet In Dispute Over Job Contracts. Impact: Petit quitting the ballet led to a nationwide discussion on labor rights in the arts, which resulted in a series of high-profile resignations and a trend of artists forming unions. Who knew pirouettes could lead to protest marches?. Fact: Did you know that the ballet world is just as dramatic offstage as on? The only difference is that the arguments aren’t usually in French!.
• Headline: POLICE TAKE LOOK AT OWN SECURITY. Impact: The police's introspection on security measures led to the implementation of absurdly complex security systems, including fingerprint scanners in donut shops. Because nothing says safety like a donut heist!. Fact: Did you know that police security measures often prioritize donuts over actual criminals? Just a fun fact for your next trivia night!.
• Headline: Publishing Aide Named By Institute of Physics. Impact: R.H. Marks being named as the publishing aide led to a new wave of scientific publications that were far too complicated to read, resulting in the rise of the 'science-speak' meme culture. Who knew physics could be so funny?. Fact: Did you know that most people only read scientific publications to feel smarter at parties? Spoiler alert: it rarely works!.