MAY 16, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ithaca College Leadership Transition Announced. Impact: The appointment of Prof E L Phillips Jr. led to a series of academic reforms that ultimately inspired a generation of students to pursue careers in... absolutely nothing relevant to society. Thanks, Ithaca!. Fact: Did you know that naming a new head can sometimes be more controversial than naming a new pope? Well, maybe not, but it sure feels that way in academia!.
• Headline: Boston Teachers Face Contempt Charges. Impact: The contempt charges against these teachers sparked a nationwide debate on labor rights that eventually led to the invention of the 'teacher's coffee break'—a revolutionary concept that still exists today. Fact: In Massachusetts, an actual legal summons is often seen as less intimidating than a parent-teacher conference. Go figure!.
• Headline: Billie Burke: A Legacy Remembered. Impact: Burke's passing marked the end of an era in comedy, leading to the rise of a new genre: the sarcastic social media influencer. The ripple effect? A thousand memes were born, but none could match her wit. Fact: Burke was married to Ziegfeld, which means she was literally ‘married to the show’—try explaining that to your Tinder matches!.
• Headline: Whither the Economy?. Impact: The Nixon administration's surprise over rising unemployment rates led to the creation of countless economic theories and the phrase 'it's just a phase'—which has since been used to comfort both job seekers and people in bad relationships. Fact: Unemployment at 4.8% in the Nixon era was considered a crisis. Now, it’s practically a job fair invitation!.
• Headline: Census Deadline Delayed. Impact: The extended deadline for the census ironically led to an influx of people declaring themselves as 'unemployed' just to make it more interesting. Census takers were left wondering if they were counting citizens or auditioning for a sitcom. Fact: The census is the only time you can be counted and still feel invisible. Just ask anyone who was ever counted in a group project!.
• Headline: Steelworkers Sign a Pact For Incentive Pay at Inland. Impact: The first agreement on incentive pay birthed a new corporate culture where workers would subsequently demand bonuses for showing up on time—because, apparently, ‘being responsible’ needed to be incentivized. Fact: Incentive pay: because apparently just having a job wasn’t enough to motivate people to actually do it!.
• Headline: Lindsay Campaign Gift in Dispute. Impact: This legal drama over campaign gifts paved the way for future scandals, leading to more lawsuits than actual campaign promises being kept. Politicians learned that money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can fund a good courtroom drama. Fact: Campaign disputes are like family feuds—everyone ends up fighting over things that could have been settled over a dinner table... if only they liked each other.
• Headline: Ex‐Jersey Mayor Convicted in Case Of Pipeline Bribe. Impact: This bribery scandal not only tarnished the reputation of politicians in New Jersey but also inadvertently inspired a wave of creative writing among aspiring authors looking to pen their own political thrillers. Fact: Convicting a politician for bribery is like finally getting a participation trophy in a race where everyone else just got a free lunch—congratulations, you played the game!.
• Headline: South African Teams Expelled From All Olympic Competition. Impact: South Africa's expulsion from the IOC was a pivotal moment that led to increased global awareness about apartheid, eventually influencing sports policies worldwide. Who knew sports could be so political?. Fact: Being expelled from the Olympics is a bit like being uninvited to a party—except instead of just missing out on fun, you miss out on history being made!.